virtual crazy gang, part II

McCloggie · #**2526** 25th March 2018, 09:43

I can vouch for Hamilton Lanarkshire - and I can assure you that you do not want to go there!

McC

Engine Serang · #**2527** 25th March 2018, 15:07

McCloggie your assurances are academical cause we are sailing the Spanish Main. Its either Hamilton Bermuda or Nassau in the Bahamas, when the Bridge makes its mind up. They've probably spilt Irish coffee on the charts and their Kellogs Cornflakes world map is a bit torn. All normal there then.

Dartskipper · #**2528** 25th March 2018, 15:20

It's much more sophisticated than cornflakes packets in the wheelhouse. We've got a brand new World Globe. Actually, we don't have all of it yet, as it comes in weekly instalments with a magazine about the countries on that particular piece. We have all the bits that make the Atlantic, but the bits for the Caribbean won't be here until next week, so we might have to proceed at "Slow Ahead" until they arrive by helo.

Tmac1720 · #**2529** 25th March 2018, 16:20

Ummm NOT to cast doubt on you navigit... navelag....navlagat..... driver type persons but if we don't stop to replenish (steal, purloin, snaffle or make away with) some bunkers soon we isn't goin' nowhere, nohow nodoubt.. I is a wondfur, woundfer, wondrfu.... bloody great injuneer but without fuel even I is banjacksed

AND before you ask I have absolutely no idea how much bunkers cost these days.... we usually just nick it from the first available tanker.

Tmac1720 · #**2530** 25th March 2018, 16:22

[QUOTE=McCloggie;12956]I can vouch for Hamilton Lanarkshire

Never been there but I have been in them who has

Engine Serang · #**2531** 25th March 2018, 18:00

Is the new globe one of them blow-up things like Michael Palin used. If so there are many onboard familiar with inflating plastic things. Wear marigolds in the chartroom.

Dartskipper · #**2532** 25th March 2018, 21:04

Michael Palin went round his globe in eighty days, but we won't be going around ours at all if Chief's report about the bunkers is correct.

We had an older blow up globe once with blue bits, green bits and yellow bits. We could plot courses in the blue bits OK, and plot landfall on the edge of the green bits, but the yellow bits were a bit difficult. We thought they might have been the beach, or maybe the desert.
Finally one of the Plasticos asked if he could have his beach ball back.

McCloggie · #**2533** 26th March 2018, 05:09

Depending on what type of Bunkers Chief TM requires, could we sneak up to a nearby FPSO, pretend we're the offtake tanker and simply get them to pump across to us?

McC

Tom Alexander · #**2534** 26th March 2018, 06:01

Quote:

Originally Posted by McCloggie

I can vouch for Hamilton Lanarkshire - and I can assure you that you do not want to go there!

McC

Do I sense that Nassau in the Bahamas issomewhat more preferred than Hamilton, South Lanarkshire. (I can personally assure the crew that Nassau in the Bahamas is certainly more preferred than Hamilton, Ontario, in the Great White North!.) Hamilton, Bermuda is somewhat slightly out of our way to Nassau.

Red 17 if you are still with us, I can assure you you will thoroughly enjoy shopping in the straw market.

Red-17 · #**2535** 26th March 2018, 08:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tom Alexander

Do I sense that Nassau in the Bahamas issomewhat more preferred than Hamilton, South Lanarkshire. (I can personally assure the crew that Nassau in the Bahamas is certainly more preferred than Hamilton, Ontario, in the Great White North!.) Hamilton, Bermuda is somewhat slightly out of our way to Nassau.

Red 17 if you are still with us, I can assure you you will thoroughly enjoy shopping in the straw market.

Well, it's about time! I thought that we were headed somewhere in that region weeks ago. I have been trying to perfect my tan with a sunlamp but I keep losing power to my quarters, think someone is playing silly b-----s with me but can never catch them out. Anyhow, my bikinis are packed and I am ready for a white beach, sunshine and Pina Coladas, love the taste of pineapple and coconut. YUM!

Engine Serang · #**2536** 26th March 2018, 09:59

Hi Red great to hear from you again. As you can see my oul shipmates let me back onboard , I thought I must be popular but in reality Tmac is loosing it and they wanted a bit of injuneering back-up. He has caught Myxomatosis from his menagerie but it is curable with rest and abstinence.
I'm sorry to hear you're loosing power to your quarters as I find well tanned buttocks makes a lady, I'll attach your sunlamp to a spare lorry battery i keep in the top bunk. all will be well.

Engine Serang · #**2537** 26th March 2018, 10:08

I hear NoR has gone AWOL from his last ship and is now DBS. If he attempts to join the GD2 i think we should afford him every facility. He has been out of sorts recently and needs some TLC. We have a full tween deck of TLC going awanting.

Red-17 · #**2538** 26th March 2018, 10:47

Quote:

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

I hear NoR has gone AWOL from his last ship and is now DBS. If he attempts to join the GD2 i think we should afford him every facility. He has been out of sorts recently and needs some TLC. We have a full tween deck of TLC going awanting.

One thing you can count on with the GD2 is plenty of TLC and lot's of adventure to buoy the spirits.

I know AWOL but what is DBS?

YM-Mundrabilla · #**2539** 26th March 2018, 13:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by McCloggie

Depending on what type of Bunkers Chief TM requires, could we sneak up to a nearby FPSO, pretend we're the offtake tanker and simply get them to pump across to us?

McC

What are our alternatives?:
Sail
Coal
Nuclear
Solar
Collecting the drops of gear oil that Squeek produces as has already been mentioned.

I have a firing shovel if that helps - perhaps we can burn the handle.

Engine Serang · #**2540** 26th March 2018, 13:34

They are sailors that have missed their ship due to several reasons,sickness, jumped ship,drunk and in jail. They get shipped back with the term DBS (Distressed British Seaman).
All the motley crew on GD2 have been DBS at least twice in their career and if you sail long enough you have it to look forward to.

billyboy · #**2541** 26th March 2018, 13:47

Quote:

Originally Posted by Red-17

Well, it's about time! I thought that we were headed somewhere in that region weeks ago. I have been trying to perfect my tan with a sunlamp but I keep losing power to my quarters, think someone is playing silly b-----s with me but can never catch them out. Anyhow, my bikinis are packed and I am ready for a white beach, sunshine and Pina Coladas, love the taste of pineapple and coconut. YUM!

And I am sure you will be the prettiest on the Beach RED.

McCloggie · #**2542** 26th March 2018, 15:49

What are our alternatives?:
Sail
Coal
Nuclear
Solar
Collecting the drops of gear oil that Squeek produces as has already been mentioned.

I have a firing shovel if that helps - perhaps we can burn the handle.

Well all of the above alternatives are indeed possible I admit - but if we could get a decent parcel from a production vessel and the appropriate Bills of Lading we get fuel for TMac's bunkers and make a profit at the next port.

McC

Engine Serang · #**2543** 26th March 2018, 17:34

Heard on BBC World Service of an outbreak of deja entendu in Hamilton. Is this serious? Could it attack us or perhaps degradate Tmac's fuel?? Could we go to Curacao instead, quite racy in the 60's. Is Billyboy up to it or is he limited to three knots?

Dartskipper · #**2544** 26th March 2018, 19:44

Three knots?

Let me see, there's a running bowline. (That's when the cut outs dash onto the fo'c'sle head to rig a towing hawser when we run out of bunkers.)

Then there's a rolling hitch, (when we have to heave to in a beam sea.)

And then there's the sheepshank, (that's an older version of a lamb shank.)

No?

Well, I tried.

Perhaps Sir William knows more than three knots.

(This was a quiz, wasn't it?)

Farmer John · #**2545** 26th March 2018, 22:57

I don't know if I could do a Carrick Bend these days, and a quick Matthew Walker would be beyond my desires. Clifford Ashley was the man, I have his big hardback book right next to my Green River and my Noddies Nautical Adventures.

I favour a little sail, do you good to feel the heel of the deck below you and the wind blowing free over the old bald pate.

billyboy · #**2546** 27th March 2018, 00:14

Then extend out telescopic mats and unfurl all sail. Tmac will be glad of a bit of peace and quiet below. Seem to remember the late John Briggs had her up to 15 knots under sail once with the help of Sister Eleff who did training on a square rigger.

Engine Serang · #**2547** 27th March 2018, 05:55

I wish I was that square rigger. Phwor.

Engine Serang · #**2548** 27th March 2018, 08:27

Always use Ashleys book of knots in a bondage session. More knots than you can shake a stick at, or indeed a whip.
The bondage club meets in the Dry Provisions Store every Monday evening.

Tom Alexander · #**2549** 27th March 2018, 08:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by Red-17

Well, it's about time! I thought that we were headed somewhere in that region weeks ago. I have been trying to perfect my tan with a sunlamp but I keep losing power to my quarters, think someone is playing silly b-----s with me but can never catch them out. Anyhow, my bikinis are packed and I am ready for a white beach, sunshine and Pina Coladas, love the taste of pineapple and coconut. YUM!

There's a nice white beach on the Eastern end of Paradise Island where you won't need your bikinis -- just think -- no tan lines!

Tom Alexander · #**2550** 27th March 2018, 08:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dartskipper

Three knots?

Let me see, there's a running bowline. (That's when the cut outs dash onto the fo'c'sle head to rig a towing hawser when we run out of bunkers.)

Then there's a rolling hitch, (when we have to heave to in a beam sea.)

And then there's the sheepshank, (that's an older version of a lamb shank.)

No?

Well, I tried.

Perhaps Sir William knows more than three knots.

(This was a quiz, wasn't it?)

Oh! I think Sir William is familiar with the usual three knots -- as the lady said "You’re knot hard, you’re knot in, and you’re knot getting your money back."