virtual crazy gang, part II

Engine Serang · #**2826** 2nd May 2018, 09:39

Don't wash your hair for 6 weeks and splice bits of frayed polyprop mooring line into your hair. Baldy Bastewards will have to stay onboard. They will miss the excitement of dodging stray bullets and Rick O'Shea's.
I will drink mucho Red Stripe with my old mucker Jeffery Dujon.

Tom Alexander · #**2827** 3rd May 2018, 06:49

I think I'll just drape that old brown stained mop head from the pantry over my head -- that should give an authentic dreadlock look.

Tmac1720 · #**2828** 3rd May 2018, 09:14

Calm down Squeek, what are you getting so excited about?..... Oh I see you have marked the calendar with a note that it's Sir Billy's birthday on Saturday......... dunno why you are so excited you won't be getting any presents.

well perhaps an extra watch just so you miss the party

Just think we will be carousing and having a great time imbibing of the falling down water and lots of goodies to eat while you will be toiling away down the pit

That will teach you NOT to forget MY birthday.... har har har

Tmac1720 · #**2829** 3rd May 2018, 09:17

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tom Alexander

I think I'll just drape that old brown stained mop head from the pantry over my head -- that should give an authentic dreadlock look.

Just a note of caution Tom, I used that to unblock the sewage tank discharge pipe, still the residue is apparently good for hair growth, some sort of fertiliser I believe. Millions of flies can't be wrong I suppose

Tom Alexander · #**2830** 4th May 2018, 05:52

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tmac1720

Just a note of caution Tom, I used that to unblock the sewage tank discharge pipe, still the residue is apparently good for hair growth, some sort of fertiliser I believe. Millions of flies can't be wrong I suppose

Thanx for the heads up, Tmac -- I thought there was a certain (h)air about it when I put it on, but the aroma does perhaps lend a certain authenticity to the look.

Tmac1720 · #**2831** 5th May 2018, 07:32

Squeek you are an idiot !!!!

you have turned over two pages on the calendar, this is May NOT June

No matter, your pay is stopped for this month and your cheese ration cut

billyboy · #**2832** 5th May 2018, 08:15

Never mind Squeak. Its an honest mistake. Here I have a little Bourskin cheese for you. (at least I think thats what the man said it was)

Tom Alexander · #**2833** 5th May 2018, 09:04

We will have to make our stop in Kingstom, Jamaica short, (but sweet?) There are so many bars and clubs, that in order to assess the quality of them we need to embark on our usual pub crawl when visiting a port. I do have a 1000 yard spool of waxened thread to unravel as we proceed, so we can find our way back to the ship. Think I'll have a stiffener before I head ashore.

Varley · #**2834** 5th May 2018, 10:55

Why is it called that when it so often ends up having the opposite effect?

Farmer John · #**2835** 5th May 2018, 18:05

Varley, it refers to the ultimate effect, anyone drinking more than 3 pints of beer a week will die a liver wrecked lunatic. I have arranged for my Wife's allowance to be added to mine, only prudent.

Farmer John · #**2836** 5th May 2018, 18:56

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tom Alexander

I do have a 1000 yard spool of waxened thread to unravel as we proceed, so we can find our way back to the ship.

I regret to tell you that I attempted to follow this Clew using a small torch (More of a well controlled conflagration). Your plan is in ashes, and we will have to follow our natural instincts to get home.

Varley · #**2837** 5th May 2018, 19:50

That is an alternative I had not considered. Try less oxygen in the mix and it may not burn through the safety line next time.

billyboy · #**2838** 5th May 2018, 23:37

safety line? ...Oh crap. I just saw it on the ground....been rolling it up all the way here. Oh Tom has one the same....and its attached to mine!!
I think Varley has a GPS thingy on his cell phone. we can follow him back. But we stand his drinks for the night out of respect.

Tom Alexander · #**2839** 6th May 2018, 07:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by billyboy

safety line? ...Oh crap. I just saw it on the ground....been rolling it up all the way here. Oh Tom has one the same....and its attached to mine!!
I think Varley has a GPS thingy on his cell phone. we can follow him back. But we stand his drinks for the night out of respect.

Hear! Hear! Or is that where, where. Oh! Here, Here. You mean that there? Oh! Here's a bar with a red light outside --- I guess that means STOP here.

billyboy · #**2840** 6th May 2018, 13:30

right ho Tom, Lead the way my good man I'll get them in.
Barman/maid (well you never know these days). What ever my crew want please I am paying.Oh and a couple of bottles of your finest port for the gentleman with the beard please and a handfull of your finest Cigars too!.

Varley · #**2841** 6th May 2018, 13:53

I never knew my wireless telephone had GPS. I have been determining the longitude by 'phoning the speaking clock in Greenwich and comparing it to Madam's 'horizontal interlude' timer. As for latitude I 'phone the GD cadet on port watch to put up a flare. I then strangulate the two to get a cocked up hat. Seems to do the trick except, for some reason, on Novembers the fifth.

McCloggie · #**2842** 6th May 2018, 15:12

Gentlemen Hello!

Did a quick SSS and took myself off ashore only to find this nice bar with the subdued lighting and bright red lights outside.

How nice to see you all. Let me get you a drink.

No Chief that is my friend - find your own and DS that is my friend too!

I can see this could end in tears - Tom that is one of MY friends too!

See you later boys!

McC

McCloggie · #**2843** 6th May 2018, 15:15

A quick question for the deck crew.

If you are offshore looking at the navigation marks what does a fixed red over a flashing white signify?

McC

Dartskipper · #**2844** 6th May 2018, 17:59

That might be our medical orderly administering an injection to a recalcitrant patient.

Farmer John · #**2845** 6th May 2018, 18:12

I do feel that Varley's navigational methods are a little suspect.

I think we have to sort this first.

"I'll put a girdle round the earth in fourty muinits " -A Midsummer Night's Dream.

Women's corsetry is notoriously expensive.

Tmac1720 · #**2846** 6th May 2018, 19:01

it's an injuneer you lot need, we are always groping about in the dark and discovering even more wondrous things to do in evermore strange places.

Varleys navigational skills are beyond reproach, he once managed to guide us to a brothel in a convent.... and can sniff out a pint of beer at 1000 yards in a perfume factory

Engine Serang · #**2847** 6th May 2018, 19:57

it wasn't a brothel it was a soup kitchen.

Farmer John · #**2848** 6th May 2018, 22:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

it wasn't a brothel it was a soup kitchen.

I remember that, fish head soup as I recall.

Varley · #**2849** 7th May 2018, 00:20

No, it was brothel. Not unsurprisingly soup making was not the house forte.

As for one red light. The ladies are just anticipating the need for two.

Red-17 · #**2850** 7th May 2018, 04:55

I seem to have lost the plot over the past couple of weeks and feel that we are caught in an eddy, just going round and round in an ever diminishing vortex. Does our navigator know where we are headed? Oh Please! No more bars in Red Light districts. It is impossible to get a decent champers and whilst I am waiting for you chaps I get mistaken for one of the locals.

In future I think I will just stay on the pool deck and have the stewards ply me with champagne and salmon. Though I must say that I could have earned quite a bit of pocket money waiting around for you lot.

Now, can we get going to somewhere exciting? Pulease.