virtual crazy gang, part II

billyboy · #**3001** 30th May 2018, 01:46

Hi SSR, welcome back. Did you fly in anything good this mission?

Tom Alexander · #**3002** 30th May 2018, 06:56

Quote:

Originally Posted by Red-17

What Kiwi lass? Didn't know that we had one on board. Who has been hiding her?

Geography isn't ES's long suit.

Tom Alexander · #**3003** 30th May 2018, 07:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

1. 4. Pay Grade, what pay grade, here I am sweating like a, like a, a navvy and no money coming in and Tmac and FJ and the Kiwi Lass wanting to go ashore at the drop of a pair of hats. A Grace and Favour Cabin, or Stateroom as Mr Cloggs calls it, don't compensate. I may take my ire back to GD1.

If you insist, by all means take your ire back to the GD1, but please leave what's left of the bog roll in your cabin, otherwise you will find a deduction on your pay-off slip.

Farmer John, perhaps we should order some more bog roll from the chandlers - wouldn't want to get caught short of that, woud we?

Tom Alexander · #**3004** 30th May 2018, 07:13

Quote:

Originally Posted by ssr481

Hi gang.. miss me???

Certainly did miss you -- dearth of hockey in #1 hold -- Maybe you could use your influence to have the Capitols play the Vegas Golden Knights there for game 5??

Ice is in good shape -- we've been using the Zamboni scrapings for our Creme de Menthe frappes.

Engine Serang · #**3005** 30th May 2018, 07:51

Quote:

Originally Posted by Red-17

What Kiwi lass? Didn't know that we had one on board. Who has been hiding her?

Red, its you.

BB christened you after watching you at breakfast eating a Kiwi Fruit like a boiled egg. His rapier wit knows no bounds.

My avuncular advice to you is to have a proper breakfast, small Guinness washed down by a drop of spiced rum. Billy is a stickler for proper behaviour in the Saloon.

For my own part I'm quite fond of "Red 17".

Engine Serang · #**3006** 30th May 2018, 07:55

Who left a roll of stair carpet in the control room? Tmac wants to float test it and I'm having trouble diverting him with stories of bottom ends.

Engine Serang · #**3007** 30th May 2018, 07:57

Quote:

Originally Posted by ssr481

Hi gang.. miss me???

No.

Ought I?

YM-Mundrabilla · #**3008** 30th May 2018, 07:58

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tom Alexander

Geography isn't ES's long suit.

Nor is his spelling of 'sheila' despite its apparent Irish origin.

Do they have 'sheilas' in New Zealand or are they called something else of equal political incorrectness??

Engine Serang · #**3009** 30th May 2018, 09:27

Here I am, Celebrity Second Engineer of GD2, with a Chief's Ticket and an "A" Level under my belt and my spelling and geography being commented upon by Casey Jones and Wallie Sims. Crew should know their place, Loose Lips. Unhappy Ships.
Cox'n break out the Cat O' Nine.

YM-Mundrabilla · #**3010** 30th May 2018, 12:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

Here I am, Celebrity Second Engineer of GD2, with a Chief's Ticket and an "A" Level under my belt and my spelling and geography being commented upon by Casey Jones and Wallie Sims. Crew should know their place, Loose Lips. Unhappy Ships.
Cox'n break out the Cat O' Nine.

ES,
Guilty as charged.
We all know how Casey Jones ended up regardless of whether he could spell or not.
Not the Cat, please - there must be a pecuniary alternative even if only paid in small instalments.
Is there a discount for the guilty plea?
Will Red be able to get me exonerated on some spurious medical ground like insanity? I would like to think that that would be a spurious ground!

YM

Engine Serang · #**3011** 30th May 2018, 15:11

You make a bloody good case for exoneration YM.

Cox'n break out the cat of four tails.

And remember, the both of youse, no more Mr Nice Guy.

Farmer John · #**3012** 30th May 2018, 15:22

Quote:

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

And remember, the both of youse, no more Mr Nice Guy.

We've not had any yet, I suspect you sold all the carefully saved fat from the Galley to the dockies at our last port.

Tom, stores are well to date, an out break of New Orleans evacuation would still leave us amply provided for.

I was in Whitby during the great bog paper lack of 1972 and saw things then a man should never have seen. It will not happen on the GD.

Engine Serang · #**3013** 30th May 2018, 21:18

What you saw was not even X-Rated. All your New Orleans "Evacuations", and furlongs of Andrex is flowing downwards with gravy sorry gravity and will end up in Tmac's lap. He and his wee helpers will then separate solids, salted peanuts, from liquids, god knows what, and environmentally deal with them. T has a heart of gold but at times smells a bit on departure, cut him a bit of slack, perhaps Red 17 will swab him down with antiseptic or anti organophosphates. Regard him as Hazmat.

Red-17 · #**3014** 30th May 2018, 22:31

Quote:

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

What you saw was not even X-Rated. All your New Orleans "Evacuations", and furlongs of Andrex is flowing downwards with gravy sorry gravity and will end up in Tmac's lap. He and his wee helpers will then separate solids, salted peanuts, from liquids, god knows what, and environmentally deal with them. T has a heart of gold but at times smells a bit on departure, cut him a bit of slack, perhaps Red 17 will swab him down with antiseptic or anti organophosphates. Regard him as Hazmat.

As I have done all the required Hazmat training, including correct donning of suit and full breathing mask, no gaps anywhere, and subsequent showering and removal I would be more than willing to take on the task of making sure that Tmac will be in a sanitary and pristine condition post my attention. However, I cannot say how long he will stay in that condition. Not sure that I would be able to help Squeek and Eric much as they are fearful of just about everything and I think my hazmat outfit will cause them much distress.

Skipper, we will need a safe way to discard the effluent that I will be creating in the cleaning up of Tmac. Please advise me on this matter.

Red-17 · #**3015** 30th May 2018, 22:34

Quote:

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

You make a bloody good case for exoneration YM.

Cox'n break out the cat of four tails.

And remember, the both of youse, no more Mr Nice Guy.

Really ES, "youse" ???? I am surprised, and disappointed.

Varley · #**3016** 31st May 2018, 00:06

Quote:

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

Who left a roll of stair carpet in the control room? Tmac wants to float test it and I'm having trouble diverting him with stories of bottom ends.

Your prat! That was the non conductive equivalent to duck boards IMO requires of the switchboard front. We'll be going through Suez projector crews like Cromwell through the massed bands of the Hibernian rebels unless you lay it again.

Tom Alexander · #**3017** 31st May 2018, 06:36

I believe the carpet was left there for your use, thus helping reduce your consumption of bog roll. Mind you, there is another alternative:

billyboy · #**3018** 31st May 2018, 08:00

Just had a dig around in No 2 hold in my bottle stash. Brought up a case of what I believe is VERY old Rum (labels decomposed owing to years beneath the sea)
Crews bar will be hosting a tasting shortly.

Engine Serang · #**3019** 31st May 2018, 08:58

Squeek has solved the problem, it's not a roll of stair carpet, it's a cummerbund with a three legged logo on the crest. Would the owner please collect it before Squeek and his mate make a nest in it.
It would look swell on a fine cut of a man at Billyboy's rum swarry.

Engine Serang · #**3020** 31st May 2018, 09:05

Quote:

Originally Posted by Red-17

Really ES, "youse" ???? I am surprised, and disappointed.

Why?

Vicki !!

Sack cloth and ashes for not using a Canberra Accent, what an uncouth cobber I am.

Old shit for brains Serang has a track record of reverting to Received East Antrim in times of crisis. And its mostly crisis on the flea bitten rustbucket.

Varley · #**3021** 31st May 2018, 11:00

Damn me. I wondered why my watch smelt of mouse shit after dining in Summer mode. I thought the backless waistcoat (Winter mode) was by design but perhaps the little buggers have eaten it. I'd better check the Albert for gnaw before I go to the rummy-do-dah.

Tmac1720 · #**3022** 31st May 2018, 12:04

Quote:

Originally Posted by Red-17

Skipper, we will need a safe way to discard the effluent that I will be creating in the cleaning up of Tmac. Please advise me on this matter.

Sigh

never mind me dear lady, injuneers are well used to being always in the sh1t, especially this one

story of my life that is.

Tmac1720 · #**3023** 31st May 2018, 12:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by Varley

Damn me. I wondered why my watch smelt of mouse shit after dining in Summer mode. I thought the backless waistcoat (Winter mode) was by design but perhaps the little buggers have eaten it. I'd better check the Albert for gnaw before I go to the rummy-do-dah.

you are very lucky it was only mouse shit, we must have a stowaway on board as Squeek is a RAT and his dropping are lethal I can assure you. Burn through steel plate they can so your timepiece would have no chance.

As for your Albert, last report from Sister Eleff was that it was in a rather tatty condition, covered in wrinkles and rust stains (?) on the shaft.

Engine Serang · #**3024** 31st May 2018, 16:11

Has he a Prince Albert???

Evan Davis of the BBC has one, do you think we should invite him on board when next in UK. After all it is so much more discrete than a tattoo.

Tmac1720 · #**3025** 31st May 2018, 17:21

Quote:

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

Has he a Prince Albert???

Evan Davis of the BBC has one, do you think we should invite him on board when next in UK. After all it is so much more discrete than a tattoo.

Nah, he makes a hell of a racket in the shower

I have it on good authority he has his Prince Albert connected to his nipples... no wonder he walks funny