virtual crazy gang, part II

billyboy · #**3326** 7th July 2018, 22:27

He is currantly our Master at Arms. However, IF He finds Chief Stewards/ Purser position Desirable ,then thats what he will be promoted to.

Flying Officer SSR can double up as MAA as he has the fire power to do so. (unbelievable amount of Arms he has)

Farmer John · #**3327** 7th July 2018, 22:56

As Chief Steward, I would prefer to be consulted. Don't forget who has the keys to the booze.

Our catering consists of Anchovy a la everything, in the strong traditions of the GD.

Whatever next, Squeek in charge of the Bosun's stores?

Varley · #**3328** 7th July 2018, 23:52

Proper nasty goreng is fusion food and done proper only by HK Chinese. Order the body bags. I would kill for it.

Red-17 · #**3329** 8th July 2018, 00:57

Quote:

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

English cooking is not an oxymoron it is an abomination, an abomination before god. What the hell is a Yorkshire Pudding for? Answers and defence on a postcard please, you bloody English with your pissy Red Barrel and stale Melton Mobreys and average football team who smell vaguely of Bovril. Ha Ha. bloody Englisher.

McCloggy better refresh his menu and add some Northern Irish delicacies or me and Tee will get into a scorp. Be warned you bloody Geordie Scouse Git.

Ooooo, so? Are we getting angry ES. Not good for your BP. Perhaps you should stop in at sick bay to have it checked.

Does Ireland have a team at the world cup????

Red-17 · #**3330** 8th July 2018, 01:00

Have we reached Havana yet or has everyone been toooo busy arguing? Hope that I haven't slept through Havana and missed out, like I did for Tampa.

McCloggie · #**3331** 8th July 2018, 04:53

PLEASE note that I have NO wish to be promoted to Chief Steward or anything else in the Food and Beverage (as it is now known) side of things. Apart from anything else, it would become apparent only to quickly how useless I am in these arts apart from consuming the said food and beverages - at least that is what Mrs. McC tells me!

I am however happy to provide recipes for Malaysian and Vietnamese food to the qualified persons if that would help.

No, I am more than happy in my role of Master at Arms - standing on the Foc'sle with my crew of loyal cut-outs throwing rocks ahead of us to assist in navigation, dealing with security, fishing, sail setting etc. as required.

McC

McCloggie · #**3332** 8th July 2018, 04:56

Malaysia!...we are almost neighbours then ha ha.

We are indeed Sir William.

The difference is that your former First Lady liked shoes and ours seems to like handbags!

McC

billyboy · #**3333** 8th July 2018, 05:45

Quote:

Originally Posted by McCloggie

Malaysia!...we are almost neighbours then ha ha.

We are indeed Sir William.

The difference is that your former First Lady liked shoes and ours seems to like handbags!

McC

Correct ha ha ha

Engine Serang · #**3334** 8th July 2018, 06:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by McCloggie

Malaysia!...we are almost neighbours then ha ha.

The difference is that your former First Lady liked shoes and ours seems to like handbags!

McC

Both are bad news for crocodiles.
A nice little earner for GD2 would be to let Red 17 take up her old hobby of wrestling salties, I know its not very ladylike but will be a nice little earner. As honorary SBA I will have Red stock up on savlon and elastoplasts and buy one of those sports bra things. Someone (Tmac) will know a dodgy dealer who will buy the croc pelts and turn them into hush puppies and give us many drinking vouchers. Lets give it the green light.

Engine Serang · #**3335** 8th July 2018, 07:21

Perusal of the Ships Articles shows the crew that took the GD2 out of the Yard was:-
Barney McGee
From the banks of the Lee
There was Hogan from County Tyrone

There was Johnny McGurk
Who was scared stiff of work
And a man from Westmeath called Malone

There was Slugger O'Toole
Who was drunk as a rule
And Fighting Bill Treacy from Dover

And your man, Mick MacCann
From the banks of the Bann
Was the skipper of the Golden Dreamer

The most up to date Articles shows the current crew signed-on as:-
Varley Skipper
Red 17 Skippy
Dartskipper First Mate
YM Mundrabilla Chief Engineer
Farmer John Second Engineer
Tom Alexander Evac Technician
Billyboy Cabin Boy
McCloggie Chief Cook and Bottlewasher
Tmac 1720 Brewmaster
Engine Serang Bartender
Rob Page Page Boy

What a line-up, Garreth Southgate ain’t got better.
Is it any wonder we have exemptions from UNCLOS, Colregs, STCW, Marpol and the Breathalyser. Port States hold us in awe (contempt) so bugger them.

Farmer John · #**3336** 8th July 2018, 09:55

RED17 could you prepare a room to isolate ES and a plenitude of cold compression bandages to restrain him till his dangerous delusions pass, please?
The notion that Tmac would allow me to touch his engines fills me with pain. I am still only halfway through my steering ticket and have only just had the training wheels taken off the GD when I am entering port.
Here, clamp his jaws on that link of black pudding before he bites his tongue. These lads sometimes get like this after 6 months in a desert fort on bread and rough red wine, the cafard it is called. Oh, I see a camel train is arriving, must go.

YM-Mundrabilla · #**3337** 8th July 2018, 10:33

Gawd, something has slipped a cog somewhere in the Articles. Promotions all round? Is Sir Humphrey Appleby aboard?
I signed on as a stoker. Even had to bring my own shovel which I found did not handle Bunker C well either onto or off the shovel.
I found great difficulty in maintaining sufficient steam to blow the whistle as a result, especially when Red was in the shower.
I can only assume that Tmac must have had an alternative source of steam somewhere in all those brightly polished pipes - probably as a bye product from his combined distillery and laundry.

Varley · #**3338** 8th July 2018, 11:51

Whilst that might have given me some comfort when my younger friends call me 'old man' (every mention of my bus-pass or inability to use welding torch at low level due to 'bad back' producing a giggle and often used "I suppose xxxx wasn't invented in your day"). However Captain 'E' would be alright, but then we don't have them on the professional side of seafaring do we? Perhaps there is a phrase for a defrocked superintendent in command. Probably including "Damned dangerous" or "We're doomed".

If I find the Gripe still tainted with Teepol or Omo I'm going to go for that damned plumber with the double pronged battery tester.

billyboy · #**3339** 8th July 2018, 12:03

well yoe, errr ummmm i mean errr ummmm is it err ummmmmm
What was the question again?

Red-17 · #**3340** 8th July 2018, 12:17

Quote:

Originally Posted by billyboy

well yoe, errr ummmm i mean errr ummmm is it err ummmmmm
What was the question again?

Billy boy I think we need to do a mental acuity test for you and maybe reduce your ETOH intake. You seem to be very forgetful these days.

Red-17 · #**3341** 8th July 2018, 12:33

ES, would you be so kind as to not call me Skippy? Nurse, Sister, Gardener, Good friend to the lost at sea but please, NOT Skippy.

By the way, if anyone wants a decently cooked meal I am more than capable of doing so and have lots of fresh produce readily available to do so. It is something however that I would not want to be doing as a full time career. I noticed the last time that I looked around in some of the lower reaches of the GD a wonderful collection of fine china, good silverware and crystal glasses and decanters as well as some pretty fancy napery. Has this ever been used on the GD and, dare I ask, from whence it came?

McCloggie · #**3342** 8th July 2018, 12:42

Red - can you please get the elephant gun out again? I believe this is a medical emergency. We seem to have a crew member who needs his medication again.

How often do I have to tell ES that I have nothing to do with cooking, bottle washing, stewarding, dish washing, catering, the supply of food, its purchase, its preparation, its serving or indeed its disposal!

The idea that Tmac would be a brewer shows that ES has gone mad - Tmac is of course a Distiller of the finest Poteen! ES also has delusions about the Command of this mighty vessel.

I can see that unless Red steps in, I as Master at Arms (and NOT the Chief Cook and Bottle Washer) am going to have to utilise the cut-outs to restrain this madman, charge him accordingly, troop him and organise a Captains Table.

The brig is being prepared.

In the meantime I am off to the bar to discuss shoes and handbags with Sir William - but remember, I am always on call if madness breaks out again!

McC

Varley · #**3343** 8th July 2018, 13:42

I think the plate and crockery must come from Sir William's grandfather, the first baronet.

It comes out for the Christmas turkey and Eid's famous Pork Satay evenings during ram-a-dam.

We do have to watch out 'though. The plastico's have been known to hock the soup turines for ready money and to drink the metal polish.

I understand you can request it be laid for your birthday feast (should you feel so inclined to invite us to one - recommended or you will find the door to your sleeping cabin removed, frequently). A small contribution to GD's orphan fund (they are often run short).

Engine Serang · #**3344** 8th July 2018, 16:36

Skippy indeed, I think the heat has got to ES,I will have a friendly chat with him after evensong this evening.
Red the pretty fancy napery, as you so quaintly call them, are boxes of Pampers for one of your incontinent shipmates. But be not afraid, he is only incontinent of urine. to use pampers as napkins, or serviettes in Australia, would be a right folks-pass unless the officer had a tie pin.

Tmac1720 · #**3345** 8th July 2018, 17:06

Quote:

Originally Posted by Farmer John

As Chief Steward, I would prefer to be consulted. Don't forget who has the keys to the booze. The injuneers do, yours is a duplicate set

Our catering consists of Anchovy a la everything, in the strong traditions of the GD.

Whatever next, Squeek in charge of the Bosun's stores?

He is, the small black bits are NOT raisins

Tmac1720 · #**3346** 8th July 2018, 17:11

Quote:

Originally Posted by Farmer John

The notion that Tmac would allow me to touch his engines fills me with pain.

You so much as look at my injuns and you WILL be in a world of pain

Tmac1720 · #**3347** 8th July 2018, 17:19

ES isn't mad, he's IRISH, not the same thing at all

Farmer John · #**3348** 8th July 2018, 17:33

ES is what I would call a hand-grenade hunter, he fishes with H.E. and keeps what he catches. Wise fish leap out of the water when they hear the initial splash.

Tmac, I wouldn't touch your Injuns though I might bow before them (See "The Lord of the Dynamos", A C Conan Doyle).

We do have the Rat Shit Sifter (RSS) fitted by your good self, and I know the keys are all duplicates, but you are an honourable man (Stop that giggling, you lot).

Oh, by the way, the Conan Doyle story has a slant to it you might not expect.

Now, where is that Creme De Menthe?

billyboy · #**3349** 9th July 2018, 00:25

Creme De Menth? .... Think Tmac used as Anti Freeze when we were in the North West Passage a couple of years back.

Varley · #**3350** 9th July 2018, 00:55

Quote:

Originally Posted by Farmer John

ES is what I would call a hand-grenade hunter, he fishes with H.E. and keeps what he catches. Wise fish leap out of the water when they hear the initial splash.

Tmac, I wouldn't touch your Injuns though I might bow before them (See "The Lord of the Dynamos", A C Conan Doyle).

We do have the Rat Shit Sifter (RSS) fitted by your good self, and I know the keys are all duplicates, but you are an honourable man (Stop that giggling, you lot).

Oh, by the way, the Conan Doyle story has a slant to it you might not expect.

Now, where is that Creme De Menthe?

If you dare anoint my dynamos with oil I'll bloody have you. If you're not already black and crispy that is.

(Wasn't there another nasty story about death by blast furnace? Did he sleep I wonder).