virtual crazy gang, part II

[Farmer John]

Originally Posted by Varley

Ah, bleeding hearts. I wonder if antislavery law still applies to SOLAS ships? Maybe there's money to be made. Gravy boats even.

Shh, you'll upset Tmac.

[billyboy]

Whaaaaaaa! Dont upset Tmac for goodness sake!

Steward! get a case of black bush down to the engine control room ASAP
Just leave it there if Tmacs not there. Ring the bell and get the hell out of there quick!

[Tmac1720]

Who the feck left this case of Black Bush outside the wt door?... nearly fell arse over tit after some twat rang the bell and I didn't see the box in the dark. Note to self, replace the duff light bulbs before I have an accident in the dark

Lets see now, who have I offended recently?... well that accounts for the whole crew, who have I been nice to recently?.......injuneers don't do nice

Och never mind, Squeek kick Eric up the arse and wipe the grease off the good tumblers, it's partttttttttaaaaaaayyyyyy time doon tha pit

[Engine Serang]

Am I invited after the ferrets or am I invited at all?
Anymore slights or perceived slights and you'll be doing 4 on and stay on.

[billyboy]

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

Am I invited after the ferrets or am I invited at all?
Anymore slights or perceived slights and you'll be doing 4 on and stay on.

Oh Dear, Looks like there will be flying shifters at 08-00hrs.

[McCloggie]

I am staying well away, but Red and the Medical Team should maybe stand by!

McC

[Engine Serang]

Stand down the medical team, Tmac and masell have sorted our wee storm in a tea cup over a jorum of Bushmills 12 yo. Red can put the iodine and Elastoplast back in the locker, as for the MAA keeping well away, little wonder the ship is a bit rowdy.

[Varley]

Sod it I told them to use the Royal Mail. Couriers always get it wrong. "Outside the WT office" I specified. Fortunately the brasso did arrive OK so I still had something to take the paint off the aerial tubing.

[Engine Serang]

I've heard that brasso can also be used to shine brass in the engine room, but I remain to be convinced. Far too many rumours in this ship. Dusting and polishing must be Red's job.

[Tmac1720]

ES as well you know Brasso is used as a "chaser" after Black Bush, any knob polishing is purely incidental to that event.

Red has never ventured into the pit, Elastoplast or not however she is welcome assuming she is brave enough However her medicinal services will be required if you refer to Squeek (Rattus Rattus) or Eric (furry something Squirrel like) as a FERRET You are a braver man than me Gunga Din

[Tmac1720]

Originally Posted by Varley

Sod it I told them to use the Royal Mail. Couriers always get it wrong. "Outside the WT office" I specified. Fortunately the brasso did arrive OK so I still had something to take the paint off the aerial tubing.

Why do you have a WT door to your radio room? and why-fore do the injuneers NOT know about it? Accordingly we shall arrange a test flooding to "press up" your accommodation to ensure the integrity of the water tight compartment. Your presence is optional dependant on how long you can hold your breath.

[Varley]

That is watertight Tmac, not weathertight. You only have to press up the radio room to test the door.

A hose test would be preferable, 'though. One could test a hose somewhere where it would not dampen the apparatuses wot lets me get the soccer competition results. (Why do they not come from the factory already tested it seems a lot of faffing about to have to take up tippling time testing them ourselves).

[Farmer John]

Is "tipple time testing" the same as the kind of work done in car factories on a Monday morning, and of course on Friday afternoons, with an occasional wander into that mode Wednesday lunchtimes and even a bit on Tuesday and Thursday?

[Varley]

No, no. I have obviously miswritten. Tippling time is the zone that GD is usually in. Sometimes we put the clocks back so that we can have more hours in the day to tipple before tippling time reaches close-of-playtime despite that being said to be 'minus' when re-aligning the slaves from the Bridge master clock. Time signals are received daily from the watertight room so that the ships clocks always indicate when we can tipple. As the clocks are adjusted so that it is always tippling time the tippling day never actually reaches close-of-play unless the master clock stops or the watertight room fills with water. Therefore the day only changes occasionally and by accident making your question difficult to answer. This voyage started on a Friday and the master has not stopped (nor the Master stopped drinking). That makes it POETS day all the time.


This has nothing to do with the chronometer with which the navigation of the vessel is conducted but then as none of us care about that I am not going to continue with this twaddle any longer.

F...…! It's Saturday the bloody clock must have stopped.

[billyboy]

Clock stopped? ...we must repair to the bar and discuss the plan for rewinding it!

Hmmmm, the key is made of steel therefore we must allow an Engineer to wind it (union are very hot on that)

Reminds me of the time Skipper ordered a clock for the ocifers mess/lounge. On fitting day a Carpenter arrived and drilled 4 holes through the wooden panelling as far as the steel bulkhead. then went ashore. A boiler maker arrived and drilled through said metal bulkhead ...and went ashore. A fitter arrives with an apprentice and a boiler maker who inserted the 4 bolts through said bulkhead. Apprentice fitter went outside with a spanner to hold bolts from turning while the fitter tightened them from the inside......5 men 2.5 days to fit the new clock!...something to be said about shipyard unions....and this was in Southampton!

[Tom Alexander]

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

I've heard that brasso can also be used to shine brass in the engine room, but I remain to be convinced. Far too many rumours in this ship. Dusting and polishing must be Red's job.

Dusting and polishing is every ones job!!


In my capacity as Commodore, a surprise ship inspection will be held immediately starting with Engine Serang's quarters!!

[Farmer John]

Originally Posted by Tom Alexander

a surprise ship inspection will be held immediately starting with Engine Serang's quarters!!

That's under an old tarp, outside the injun room door.

[McCloggie]

I hate to think what will be found there!

McC

[Varley]

I was getting used to E-S. Who is it that has cut him in to four?

[Farmer John]

This should sort him out.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGeDKpmUXiY

[billyboy]

TANNOY!...Now hear this! (love saying that)
All crew to muster in the PAX lounge at 10;00hrs (after Commodore Alexanders inspection)
Its will be Great pleasure fo me to foot the bill at the bar whereupon we will celebrate the birthday of our highly esteemed Injunier Tmac.

[Tom Alexander]

Well, well, well -- found the tarp by the injun room door -- stretched taut and secured at all four corners, bed underneath upon which a dropped quarter bounced to regulation height, a set of left handed metric crescent wrenches all lined up in a row, and a glass with ice cubes beside a cracked, but full bottle of Pussers


My conclusion is that E-S's quarters pass inspection together with the rest of the vessel.


See you all in the PAX lounge -- Double Cuba Libre please, Sir William.

[Engine Serang]

Originally Posted by McCloggie

I hate to think what will be found there!

McC

Quarters! Quarters?
The tar-polin is my Stateroom, knock at the flap before entering.


And it is kitted out with the standard and obligatory items:


Oily white boiler suit
Very oily boots sans laces
Yellow safety torch
Eight inch shifter (Stop giggling Red)
Two Harold Robbins paperbacks
Tapes of Nana Mouskouri and Demis Roussos
Half a case of Tennants
Two pairs of threadbare skiddies hanging up to dry


Nothing to frighten the horses there, Mr Clever Clogs.

[Farmer John]

ES, that list brings a tear to my eye, you have encapsulated a time into... a sort of time capsule. Could I add a photo of the girl who sent you a Dear John to the last port, with a dart holding her to the draped tarp that constitutes the partition of your shelter?

[Varley]

Why did you bring the tarp E-S. There are no bogs here you know if you want to sleep on the deck to remind you of home comforts you will find it quite dry. In fact it is the only dry thing on the bloody ship - your club doesn't allow you your own tarpaulin surely?

And don't buy any of those capsules from Farmer J. There is a reason he leaps from the monkey island into the cargo net shouting 'Dependable Engines'. Tom's instruction, though, is perfectly safe and I'm on my way for a glass or two m'self.