virtual crazy gang, part II

Tom Alexander · #**3626** 25th August 2018, 07:31

Quote:

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

Slack Time!!!!
Slack Time my arse.
Any more of these platitudes and we will distill a batch so weak that you will be in danger of appearing on the Bridge in the terrible state of sobriety.
Steward a plate of cold turkey sandwiches for the OOW with a side order of humility chutney.

You mean you imported some of those platy-pussies from Oz?? Tmac will not be pleased if they cross breed with Squeek. And thou of little understanding --- the bridge personnel will not be in danger if their libations are diluted -- but we will be more likely to run aground, lose our way, emulate the foo-foo bird, etc.

We don't mind the chutney, as long as we get a liberal helping of curry paste on the cold turkey.

Tom Alexander · #**3627** 25th August 2018, 07:38

Quote:

Originally Posted by Farmer John

Research has now shown that consuming any alcohol is dangerous.

All sing:
We never eats biscuits
'cos biscuits 'as yeast
Too many biscuits
Turns a man to a beast.

Can you imagine
A more awful disgrace
Than to be found
In the gutter
With crumbs on your face?

We all know the chorus.

Mainly for ES's benefit, here's perhaps the whole song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7WsD_Wu6waQ

Engine Serang · #**3628** 25th August 2018, 07:47

Well I'm speechless, this site and its members have contributed greatly to my education.

But why would anyone pick on rum and ignore sodomy and the lash, or as is in vogue in the more louche areas of London, bum and baccy?

Tom Alexander · #**3629** 25th August 2018, 07:55

Quote:

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

Well I don't. (Ought I ?)
Its not safe to assume anything on this ship. Half the crew are doddery oul men relying on the odd snifter to keep them upright.

What's this bit about the odd snifter --- what do think this is -- a Mother's Union picnic at Southend??

Indeed, Sir, we are a hardened bunch of doddery oul men who are dedicated souses. Kind of like Scousers with spouses?

Tom Alexander · #**3630** 25th August 2018, 08:16

Mr. McCloggie -- I perceive all are aboard, so we can quietly raise the hook and slip away into the deep blue yonder --- "Away, away with fife and drum, here we come full of rum, looking for

."

billyboy · #**3631** 25th August 2018, 08:41

got to drive down passed Pindasan and back tomorrow and hoping my left knee holds out.

Farmer John · #**3632** 25th August 2018, 10:07

Nothing odd about my half pints of creme de menthe.

Engine Serang · #**3633** 25th August 2018, 10:15

Chippy gave me my monthly haircut on the aft deck yesterday afternoon. He offered me a Brazilian. A Brazilian I ask you. Who told him we were going to Brazil, we down the Machinery Spaces have bunkered for a trip to Aruba and Bonaire. If we head south we will be chopping up the Wardroom piano to put in the boiler. Perhaps a good idea, my eardrums are worn out. Gripitini douches help but then taste mildly of wax.

Farmer John · #**3634** 25th August 2018, 13:53

If you put any gripetini in your ears you will be assailed by loud whistling noises as the faintest breeze will whirl around the empty cranial cavities.

Actually, maybe you already have. It explains a lot.

McCloggie · #**3635** 26th August 2018, 04:10

Raise the anchor it is then.

Focsle cut-out party mustered, hoses rigged and anchor recovered using the GD silent winches (capstan and bars).

Everything secured for sea and ready to proceed.

McC

Tom Alexander · #**3636** 26th August 2018, 07:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by McCloggie

Raise the anchor it is then.

Focsle cut-out party mustered, hoses rigged and anchor recovered using the GD silent winches (capstan and bars).

Everything secured for sea and ready to proceed.

McC

Under way under all plain sail -- broad reach on the port tack.

You may stand down your anchor party and repair to the pool deck for Elevenses.

Farmer John · #**3637** 26th August 2018, 09:56

In fact, we have finished with the capstan, let us proceed with the bars.

billyboy · #**3638** 26th August 2018, 12:09

Bar?...someone say Bar? On my way lads!
I'll have a large one please Steward!

Engine Serang · #**3639** 26th August 2018, 13:08

I think McCloggie has opened a bar on the capstan deck. Will the spray dampen the bbq?

Tom Alexander · #**3640** 27th August 2018, 06:56

Quote:

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

I think McCloggie has opened a bar on the capstan deck. Will the spray dampen the bbq?

I think that's the deck where we store the tobacco.

Dartskipper · #**3641** 27th August 2018, 08:16

If we train up one of Red 17's goats to clean the mud off the ground tackle by using its horns, would it be the Anchor Butter?

Farmer John · #**3642** 27th August 2018, 09:21

Dartskipper, if you look, we still have excellent gardens, thus, we have no goats. It really like storing gunpowder in the furnaces, it can't be done.

Varley · #**3643** 27th August 2018, 10:06

Gunpowder and furnaces bad? You had better excuse me for a moment or two. I thought adding an element of Huygens to Tmac's supersecret reciprocating gas paddle turbine driver might have been fun.

YM-Mundrabilla · #**3644** 27th August 2018, 12:33

What happened to the goats?
Someone will have some explaining to do when Red returns.

Engine Serang · #**3645** 27th August 2018, 15:19

Is anyone else sick and fed up sailing the Spanish Main? All the lovely people, our types, are currently cruising between Antibes, Palma de Mallorca and Sardinia, let us lay-off a course to the Meddy with all dispatch. Black Spots will be considered.
Rhumb line is better than Rum line.

Farmer John · #**3646** 27th August 2018, 16:18

Quote:

Originally Posted by YM-Mundrabilla

What happened to the goats?
Someone will have some explaining to do when Red returns.

The goats all turned out to be sheep. It often happens when there is garden in the area. You plant goats, grass comes up and gets turned into sheep. Simple (and irreversible).

YM-Mundrabilla · #**3647** 27th August 2018, 23:46

Quote:

Originally Posted by Farmer John

The goats all turned out to be sheep. It often happens when there is garden in the area. You plant goats, grass comes up and gets turned into sheep. Simple (and irreversible).

I understand but I will leave it to you to explain it to Red.

Engine Serang · #**3648** 28th August 2018, 01:39

Goats and sheep can be milked, me neither, but if we had a Farmer on the crew list he could do it. Step forward Farmer John.
Anyways this milk can be turned into quite a delightful cheese, me neither, which will add a touch of Gordon -Blue to our sherry receptions. Yum-Yum.

Engine Serang · #**3649** 28th August 2018, 01:46

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tom Alexander

what do think this is -- a Mother's Union picnic at Southend??

Did I ever tell you about the time I gatecrashed the West Sussex Mother's Union picky-nicky at Southend? No. Well young man please refresh your glass and pull up a chair...………. and I'll begin.

Tom Alexander · #**3650** 28th August 2018, 06:52

Quote:

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

Did I ever tell you about the time I gatecrashed the West Sussex Mother's Union picky-nicky at Southend? No. Well young man please refresh your glass and pull up a chair...………. and I'll begin.

One dark and stormy night, three smugglers sat in a cave,
Tell us a story ES,said one,
And so the tale began:

One dark and stormy night, etc, etc, etc.