virtual crazy gang, part II

[Tom Alexander]

Originally Posted by billyboy

Deepest Condolences Tmac.
Steward! break out my white boiler suits please and bring me one to the control room, Oh...and some early lunch for Eric and squeak as they have work to do later.

Just a heads up, Sir William. When we depart Valparaiso, we will need the orange button to gain sufficient Western departure to be on time for our Christmas dry docking in Sydney.

[Tom Alexander]

In the spirit of the season, Mr. McCloggie -- if you are still with us, please get the cutouts to raise a small illuminated Christmas tree to the foremast truck. Any lascar, Muslim, Buddhist, Jew, Hindu, Inuit, Sikh,Voodoo adherent, etc., who has any objections, please advise me in writing how you would perceive it would be appropriate for us to celebrate your particular festival(s).

[Varley]

It is easier to send, receive and read dirty novel interim when sitting. It is more tiring which is why we only did it for two hours at a time (strictly an H8 man). When asked to QLF then it is necessary to stand up.

[billyboy]

Hmmm the log book says we are up on hours with the starboard generator. I'll change over to the Port one and get get the starboard one serviced.
Eric!...Squeak! off down the tunnel, check the pedestal bearings and stern glands...and not each others either.

[billyboy]

roger that Tom. Orange button it will be.

[Varley]

You have missed out the Jains, Bahai, 7th day Adventists, Moroni, God-delusion therapists, economists, wicca, Zarquon and atheists.

If I can push the list to 365 can we celebrate everyday? Oh...… isn't that what we do anyway?

[Dartskipper]

Condolences Chief. We will keep GDII afloat in your absence. The Engine Room gang will keep a watch on everything. They will log any break downs or leaks so that you can repair them on your return to regular duties.

All the best shipmate.

[Tom Alexander]

Originally Posted by Varley

You have missed out the Jains, Bahai, 7th day Adventists, Moroni, God-delusion therapists, economists, wicca, Zarquon and atheists.

If I can push the list to 365 can we celebrate everyday? Oh...… isn't that what we do anyway?

David --- when I wake up in the morning, if I can find my pulse, I celebrate the day.

[Tom Alexander]

Leaving Valparaiso tomorrow a.m. --- really -- 11:30 hours -- getting an early start. Full English for all in the pax dining room at 10:00 -- Mimosas for eye openers.

[Farmer John]

"Still largely undiscovered by North Americans", this from the Cook islands site. We do get to some good places, but do we have any who we need to explain this to?

[Farmer John]

Originally Posted by Tom Alexander

Leaving Valparaiso tomorrow a.m. --- really -- 11:30 hours -- getting an early start. Full English for all in the pax dining room at 10:00 -- Mimosas for eye openers.

You know, Tom, that did it. You mentioned a.m. approached from the getting up point of view. We all flaked out, but a quick chat with the ship's inertial guidance system ensured that our inertia got us away on time. Every time we turned over and went back to sleep, we also did something to get us away.

Goodbye Valparaiso, Cook Islands here we come. Tom, give us some warning if you are going to press the Orange button, I would hate POTUS Trump to appear like an evil genie.

[Tom Alexander]

Originally Posted by Farmer John

You know, Tom, that did it. You mentioned a.m. approached from the getting up point of view. We all flaked out, but a quick chat with the ship's inertial guidance system ensured that our inertia got us away on time. Every time we turned over and went back to sleep, we also did something to get us away.

Goodbye Valparaiso, Cook Islands here we come. Tom, give us some warning if you are going to press the Orange button, I would hate POTUS Trump to appear like an evil genie.

I suspect the Donald -- if he is like some other Americans -- hasn't a clue where the Cook Islands are. I once had occasion to call a company down in Maine on business and told the receptionist I was calling from Vancouver Island, Canada. She answered "Is that near Toronto?" I said "No - Its is roughly 3,000 miles West of there" There was no reply. I said "Do you know where Los Angeles is?" There was some considerable 'umming and 'arring, to which I replied "Well if you do know where Los Angeles is, Vancouver Island is approximately 1,800 miles North West of there." The young lady obviously didn't have a clue even as which way was up so I ended the call. If we told the Donald that the Cook Islands were approx 5,000 miles West of South America he would probably say that was fake news.

By the way, we are already at Orange button (38 knots) but Sir William ramped it up gently -- didn't feel a thing did you?

Bottom line -- don't worry. Join me on the bridge with your sextant -- we'll take our noon latitude the old fashioned way. With some Four Bells as a "chaser".

[Engine Serang]

I have smuggled Dava Sobel on board, bunking with me but I'll lend her to the Bridge to teach you and FJ how to work a sextant and what to do when the big hand and the little hand both point to twelve.
Please have a bottle of Tia Maria sent to my cabin, sorry Stateroom, asap.

[Farmer John]

ES, I don't think we can improve the time-keeping of my longcase clock, provided we keep the ship very steady and level. Joshua Slocum navigated with an alarm clock with only one hand, they say. Which of them only had one hand I couldn't say. Perhaps it was the thought of Mrs Slocum's pussy that kept his landfalls true.

[Dartskipper]

Originally Posted by Tom Alexander

I suspect the Donald -- if he is like some other Americans -- hasn't a clue where the Cook Islands are. I once had occasion to call a company down in Maine on business and told the receptionist I was calling from Vancouver Island, Canada. She answered "Is that near Toronto?" I said "No - Its is roughly 3,000 miles West of there" There was no reply. I said "Do you know where Los Angeles is?" There was some considerable 'umming and 'arring, to which I replied "Well if you do know where Los Angeles is, Vancouver Island is approximately 1,800 miles North West of there." The young lady obviously didn't have a clue even as which way was up so I ended the call. If we told the Donald that the Cook Islands were approx 5,000 miles West of South America he would probably say that was fake news.

By the way, we are already at Orange button (38 knots) but Sir William ramped it up gently -- didn't feel a thing did you?

Bottom line -- don't worry. Join me on the bridge with your sextant -- we'll take our noon latitude the old fashioned way. With some Four Bells as a "chaser".

I used to get the same questions when I lived Stateside, Tom.

"Where are you from?"

"Torquay."

"Torrkwai?"

"No, Torquay. It's in England."

"Is it near London?"

"Only about three days by Stage Coach."

[Farmer John]

Originally Posted by Dartskipper

"Where are you from?"

"Torquay."

"Torrkwai?"

"No, Torquay. It's in England."

Are you sure about that, Dartskipper? I spent a week there once learning how to remove chewing gum from the testicles of a stone lion (it's a long story) and I thought it was probably from Narnia.

The skills I learnt faded due to lack of courageous support from colleagues. Also it was over complicated.

[Tom Alexander]

Originally Posted by Farmer John

ES, I don't think we can improve the time-keeping of my longcase clock, provided we keep the ship very steady and level. Joshua Slocum navigated with an alarm clock with only one hand, they say. Which of them only had one hand I couldn't say. Perhaps it was the thought of Mrs Slocum's pussy that kept his landfalls true.

I wonder how Joshua got along with Mrs. Slocum's Burmese taxi driver neighbour? I think he looked after her pussy when she was at work.

[Tom Alexander]

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

I have smuggled Dava Sobel on board, bunking with me but I'll lend her to the Bridge to teach you and FJ how to work a sextant and what to do when the big hand and the little hand both point to twelve.
Please have a bottle of Tia Maria sent to my cabin, sorry Stateroom, asap.

The big hand and the little hand both pointing to twelve at the same time has got comparatively little to do with the noon latitude. If you keep on insulting the navigation department about their abilities, or lack thereof, we will resort to pouring yesterdays cold coffee down the voice pipe instead of the high quality libations normally poured.

We would suggest you keep your expertise to lubricating your big end and other such uninspiring tasks.

[Farmer John]

Succinctly put Tom. I often use use a half coconut shell with a little water in it, but be sure to scrub it well if you want to drink out of it.

[Tmac1720]

Hello, hello, is this macordiaphone switched on? Ah feck it I'll just shout, Varley has radar ears and is bound to hear me.

I shall be back on board in the morning after having safely launched the mater to the big shipyard in the sky and the injun room had better be in pristine condition so I can eat my dinner off the floor plates. Well not really but that demand will put the fear of God into ES, Squeek and Eric.

Just one slight hitch to my return, any chance you deckie crowd could turn the cloaking device OFF so I can find out where the hell you are Leaving it on will only delay NOT prevent my return and when I do the knave responsible for operation of the cloak had better have first class health insurance.

[Engine Serang]

Threats are par for the course when Tmac is in a liverish bad humour, [Daily], but with bloody Alexander pissing smelly brown liquid down the voice-pipe our ears are full of crud, [Cheese & Onion, anyone], and its leaking into the Atmospheric Drain Tank. Anyway welcome back.

[Engine Serang]

Alexander of Tunis, hardly. Alexander of Tuna more likely, tinned tuna at that. He will learn that you don't piss on a Fireman even if he is on fire.

[Dartskipper]

Originally Posted by Farmer John

Are you sure about that, Dartskipper? I spent a week there once learning how to remove chewing gum from the testicles of a stone lion (it's a long story) and I thought it was probably from Narnia.

The skills I learnt faded due to lack of courageous support from colleagues. Also it was over complicated.

Chewing gum does indeed end its life in the strangest of locations, but that story sounds like a load of old balls to me. Was it Wrigleys? (their factory was in Plymouth) or Beech Nut? Dentyne?

[Farmer John]

Originally Posted by Dartskipper

Was it Wrigleys? (their factory was in Plymouth) or Beech Nut? Dentyne?

I TOLD you it was too complicated. This is only making it worse.

Cloaking device off, Tmac, and I will make sure it stays off till you are back. At 38 knots not much will bother us.

Perhaps you can bring a bottle brush for the voice pipe, it may have been misused since ES started waving things about that should not be waved when near machinery.

Actually, we will replace it, I think.

Also, Dartskipper, the tale is absolutely true, but not necessarily in the form you would expect.

[Tom Alexander]

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

Alexander of Tunis, hardly. Alexander of Tuna more likely, tinned tuna at that. He will learn that you don't piss on a Fireman even if he is on fire.

The truth is out at last -- Engine Serang my ass -- more like boiler wallah!!!!