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#426
20th June 2022, 08:13
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You mean to tell me that it is not the cats that cause the damage. No, really?
Such a prosaic explanation is quite disappointing. Logical, but disappointing, for this forum anyway.
__________________
The Mad Landsman 
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#428
20th June 2022, 15:30
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The Mad Man is telling everyone you are boring and on Prozac. This is a powerful drug, think Absinthe, and will turn your pee blue and tend towards brewers droop Keep him onside otherwise he will go on and on and on and wear us all down. What the f*ck did you take the cat fotos for? Pull yourself together, big man.
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#430
20th June 2022, 21:31
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My O-Levels, one in English Language and one in English Literature has emboldened me to play fast and loose with the odd apostrophe but cryptic crosswords are out of my league. Contact Mr Burgess or McLean ( 2 Down, 6 Letters).
Depp's ex-lover certainly isn't one.
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#431
20th June 2022, 22:52
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Quote:
__________________
"You do not ask a tame seagull why it needs to disappear from time to time towards the open sea. It goes. That's all." Bernard Moitessier.
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#432
21st June 2022, 08:27
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A much more enjoyable and satisfying way to do a crossword than spending hours wracking your brain for some obscure and smart-ass solution. Good for Gran.
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#433
21st June 2022, 09:14
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I agree. You have to be very suspicious of a cryptic clue solver.....
JJ.
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#434
21st June 2022, 10:00
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There's no substitute for a bit of old age experience and cunning.
__________________
If Global Warming is so prevalent why are there so many snowflakes around?
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#435
21st June 2022, 14:16
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Quote:
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Best Wishes, Alick
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#436
21st June 2022, 19:02
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Quote:
A. Special
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#437
21st June 2022, 19:13
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My Old Dear was a crossword fanatic. One day she was struggling with a quiz word version and she asked me what I thought of the clue: "What the Universe is made of."
I suggested 'Hydrogen.' (This is back in the day before 'dark matter' and 'dark energy' proved we don't know shit about what 90% of anything actually is.) "No," she replied. "Doesn't fit." I thought nothing more of it until she completed the puzzle and told me the correct answer was: 'electricity.' "What a load of bollocks," I commented, for which I received the IRISH DEATH GLARE (hill farm girl from Co. Limerick, came over just before WW2.) I strategically advanced to the rear and went down the pub ...  (Can't help but think that if that clue had been right ... none of us could afford to live in this Universe anymore ....  )
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#438
21st June 2022, 23:22
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Quote:
__________________
"You do not ask a tame seagull why it needs to disappear from time to time towards the open sea. It goes. That's all." Bernard Moitessier.
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#440
22nd June 2022, 08:27
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Every year the Perishers would go camping and one year Maisie killed a spider. She was warned by Wellington that the Queen of the Spiders would appear in the night seeking revenge.
That night Marlon (who was gormless exemplified) crawled out of his tent to look at the sky. He started to have his epiphany, seeing the majesty of the Universe. He was just about to grasp the meaning of it all when Maisie laid him out with a huge frying pan. "I'm sorry Marlon," she said. "I thought you were the Queen of the Spiders come to get me !!" Poor old Marlon .... almost there, but didn't make it. Absolutely class comic strip.
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#441
28th June 2022, 15:40
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Quote:
One of the other drivers took a disliking to me and tried to make my life harder than need be - so every time it was his turn to go out to deliver another load of concrete, I would insert random words in his daily crossword. The Klingons have it right - Revenge is best served cold - but boy was it hard to keep a straight face, as he got more and more angry as he tried to get the (probably) correct words to fit the grid 
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#442
28th June 2022, 15:46
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Would that be the Severn Bridge leading to Gods Country, the Land of Song.?
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#443
29th June 2022, 11:28
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Yes that would be the one - although I'm not sure about the last bit - more like the escape route from - although several of the gentlemen I work with here on the English side at the facility with the three funnels err stacks would whole heartedly agree with you.
Working on the bridge, I think I had the best job on site - spare driver! Anything from the site van to 20 foot wide abnormal loads, including said mixer trucks driving down the river bed at 40 miles an hour when the tide was out. Also was the last time I was at sea when I did a month on the barge, pumping concrete into the caissons - even went home at night, sometimes.
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#445
15th July 2022, 20:44
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A school teacher walks into the class and tells her pupils that today ‘we’ are going to be talking about the basics of psychology.
Teacher: “Anybody who thinks that they are stupid, stand up”. Nobody moves, she looks around in silence for a bout half a minute and then repeats the instruction. She looks around from face to face, no one even reacts. Then after over a minute has passed one lad stands up. Teacher: “So, do you think you are stupid?” Pupil: “No Ma’am, I just thought you looked lonely standing there.” I think he got the idea.
__________________
The Mad Landsman
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#446
16th July 2022, 07:20
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#447
16th July 2022, 10:10
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Well, it looks as if she's had the balls for it.
__________________
David V Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right It is the duty of the wealthy man To give employment to the artisan
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#448
16th July 2022, 12:43
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Talk about the band playing as the Titanic goes down .....
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#449
21st September 2022, 09:21
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Minkowski Space Time explained: (sort of ...
)The passenger steamer SS Warrimoo was quietly knifing its way through the waters of the mid-Pacific on its way from Vancouver to Australia. The navigator had just finished working out a star fix and brought Captain John DS. Phillips, the result. The Warrimoo's position was LAT 0º 31' N and LONG 179 30' W. The date was December 31, 1899. "Know what this means?" First Mate Payton broke in, "We're only a few miles from the intersection of the Equator and the International Date Line". Captain Phillips was prankish enough to take full advantage of the opportunity for achieving the navigational freak of a lifetime. He called his navigators to the bridge to check & double check the ship's position. He changed course slightly so as to bear directly on his mark. Then he adjusted the engine speed. The calm weather & clear night worked in his favour. At midnight the SS Warrimoo lay on the Equator at exactly the point where it crossed the International Date Line! The consequences of this bizarre position were many: The forward part (bow) of the ship was in the Southern Hemisphere & in the middle of summer. The rear (stern) was in the Northern Hemisphere & in the middle of winter. The date in the aft part of the ship was 31 December 1899. In the bow (forward) part it was 1 January 1900. This ship was therefore not only in: Two different days, Two different months, Two different years, Two different seasons. But in two different centuries - all at the same time!
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#450
21st September 2022, 09:40
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I think Bob....for a short time.....
She ceased to exist. 
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