virtual crazy gang, part II

Farmer John · #**4951** 9th May 2019, 17:08

Umm, where are we right now? I want to send a postcard and it seems silly to get it wrong.

Dartskipper · #**4952** 9th May 2019, 17:35

Don't ask awkward questions. The naviguessers are working on that conundrum as I write this.

Farmer John · #**4953** 9th May 2019, 17:37

Dartskipper, I am one of the naviguessers and a damn fine one too. I'm only looking for a clue.

Farmer John · #**4954** 9th May 2019, 17:39

You know, hemispheres, that kind of thing.

Dartskipper · #**4955** 9th May 2019, 20:29

Ah, top, bottom, left or right? 'tis a puzzle, that's for sure. If the sun would come up soon and give us a clue, we could probably make an educated estimate.

Until then mine's a rum Collins please steward. Long. With ice and a twist of lime. No straws or little umbrellas, though.

Tom Alexander · #**4956** 10th May 2019, 07:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by Farmer John

Umm, where are we right now? I want to send a postcard and it seems silly to get it wrong.

We are still in Honolulu,having discharged our cargo of sand on Sand Island, We have also discharged our top secret documents and so are now rather "flush" having been paid in full.

Anybody got ideas as to where to go to next?? Maybe Sir William can engage our agents in a further profitable venture? Somewhere warm, of course.

Varley · #**4957** 10th May 2019, 10:42

Could we not determine the hemispherical locus of GD to confirm our present guess as to disport. We could knock up a punch bowl with a central gravity discharge port. Observation of the Coriolis effect on the main body of the libationary liquid would give us North or South. Which is more than I credit the ham-bone warriors with (Honolulu would be quite warm already if we were there). I rather think that payment was not the freight but more of a please go away bribe.

billyboy · #**4958** 10th May 2019, 12:53

according to the Agent theres a possibility of a small party mini cruise out of BA to Miami. Said he will let us know later.

Farmer John · #**4959** 10th May 2019, 13:40

Quote:

Originally Posted by billyboy

according to the Agent theres a possibility of a small party mini cruise out of BA to Miami. Said he will let us know later.

Right, the plaggys are setting up the bar and preparing nibbles (if you have ever been nibbled by one of my plaggys, you will have a scar to prove it), drinks are on me, let's drink our way along the optics.

Aquavit
Bols
Curacao

Those were easy. Someone take over, I've just drank three bottles of spirits.

Tom Alexander · #**4960** 11th May 2019, 07:06

Quote:

Originally Posted by Varley

Could we not determine the hemispherical locus of GD to confirm our present guess as to disport. We could knock up a punch bowl with a central gravity discharge port. Observation of the Coriolis effect on the main body of the libationary liquid would give us North or South. Which is more than I credit the ham-bone warriors with (Honolulu would be quite warm already if we were there). I rather think that payment was not the freight but more of a please go away bribe.

What's with this Coriolis effect ?? Anyone who took 4th form physics would know that the bowl, when located in the southern hemisphere would be relatively upside down to a Northern location, and therefore the liquid would rotate in the same direction -- down, out and into some deserving seafarer's glass.

Tom Alexander · #**4961** 11th May 2019, 07:31

Quote:

Originally Posted by billyboy

according to the Agent theres a possibility of a small party mini cruise out of BA to Miami. Said he will let us know later.

Better get on it ASAP. No matter what the lack of faith by the rest of the crew, we are still in Honolulu and it will be a bit snotty around the Horn at this time of year. Mind you, the lure of a sojourn in Buenos Aires at this time of year would not go amiss -- and Miami in the summer? - - but we would need to know the sex, gender and age of the proposed passengers -- not that we would discriminate of course !! (Might just affect the charge for transportation?)

billyboy · #**4962** 11th May 2019, 13:18

just heard from the Agent Tom. Its a party of 28 females. We drop them off in Miami and they will fly back. Could be quite lucrative.

Farmer John · #**4963** 11th May 2019, 18:03

Sir William, it would be a pleasure, I am sure Tom would agree. If they don't want to fly back we could give them a lift, I am sure, unless they are on a tight timeline. We could wile away the time and keep them amused...

billyboy · #**4964** 11th May 2019, 22:50

I am sure you are right Farmer John. However thats up to whatever the Agent can arrange. BA to Miami it is at the moment and we have 7 days to get them there. So, seven days of heaven methinks.

Tom Alexander · #**4965** 12th May 2019, 06:44

Quote:

Originally Posted by billyboy

I am sure you are right Farmer John. However thats up to whatever the Agent can arrange. BA to Miami it is at the moment and we have 7 days to get them there. So, seven days of heaven methinks.

I assume you mean we have 7 days go get them from BA to Miami?? When does the 7 days start?? By a quick quesstimation it is somewhere around 7,600 miles to sail around the Horn to get to BA. Now the difficult I can do right away. Miracles take a little longer. But even at our normal RED button speed of 50 knots, it will take over 6 days to get to BA. The 7 days then to Miami is no sweat. That's only 7,000 miles further. (We'd have to consult with Tmac if Warp drive was needed !!)

Might I suggest that we rather offer the Agent a discount of 25% and contract to take 14 days from BA to Miami, (call it a young age discount if they are all under 30??)

YM-Mundrabilla · #**4966** 12th May 2019, 06:55

The passengers are merely described as 'females' so far.

Do we know whether they are 'girls' ; 'women'

; or 'biddies'

?

The answer may well affect the effort of the stokers enroute to BA.

Engine Serang · #**4967** 12th May 2019, 13:16

I bags a biddy, they are so...……….. grateful.

billyboy · #**4968** 12th May 2019, 13:44

Need to be in BA by June 5th (oh, my birthday).
My guess is that they are women YM. Agent still sorting out their itinary.

Farmer John · #**4969** 12th May 2019, 17:20

Who cares what they are classified as, just a slight leavening of the oppressive masculinity of the GD at present would be pleasant.

I tried the experiment of putting a lavatory seat down yesterday, I haven't the strength to hold it down anymore.

Varley · #**4970** 12th May 2019, 19:43

Wimin? did I hear you say wimin. Does that mean no farting in the saloon AGAIN!

Farmer John · #**4971** 12th May 2019, 21:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by Varley

Wimin? did I hear you say wimin. Does that mean no farting in the saloon AGAIN!

Well, definitely no lighting them any more for a bit.

billyboy · #**4972** 13th May 2019, 01:30

Agent confirms BA by June 5th. 28 ladies to Miami. Lay over for 2 days then load 15 ladies for a Photo shoot off shore for a day or two with a camera and film crew.
After that we proceed to Norfolk. VIP of US navy will board us for a conferance. we will anchor off shore for 2 days while they chat in Private. Best behavior at all times while they are aboard and repeat nothing you may over hear discussed!! (this job pays top dollar gentleman)
Tom can demonstrate docking and undocking without the need for tugs and fenders. They will all be dressed in civies as per admiralty order.
Whats that? Ah yes the Photoshoot... well ahem! they are topless callender girls from a well known magazine I am told.

Tom Alexander · #**4973** 13th May 2019, 06:27

Quote:

Originally Posted by billyboy

Agent confirms BA by June 5th. 28 ladies to Miami. Lay over for 2 days then load 15 ladies for a Photo shoot off shore for a day or two with a camera and film crew.
After that we proceed to Norfolk. VIP of US navy will board us for a conferance. we will anchor off shore for 2 days while they chat in Private. Best behavior at all times while they are aboard and repeat nothing you may over hear discussed!! (this job pays top dollar gentleman)
Tom can demonstrate docking and undocking without the need for tugs and fenders. They will all be dressed in civies as per admiralty order.
Whats that? Ah yes the Photoshoot... well ahem! they are topless callender girls from a well known magazine I am told.

.
BA by June 5 -- no problemo. We can hang around here like a bad smell for another couple of days (give the local girls a chance to express their gratitude?) then head for Puerto Montt in Chile looks like a nice spot with lots of bars. Then onto BA from there.

Of course we can congregate on the garden deck to discuss these arrangements - open bar on my tab.

Engine Serang · #**4974** 13th May 2019, 10:03

"Of course we can congregate on the garden deck to discuss these arrangements"

Can we discuss who is responsible for letting Varley and Tmac eat pickled onions at dinner. Hide the pickled onions and we shant need explosion proof fittings in the saloon.

There may be a little bad feeling but that is preferable to a lot of bad odour. If that pair wish to trough let them trough in the lazarette not the Saloon. Then we and our guests will not be mortified and having to pretend they are boat people we rescued along the Spanish Main.

Tmac1720 · #**4975** 13th May 2019, 11:31

Young man if you think my breath is putrid you should experience one of my farts after eight pints of Guinness, half a dozen boiled eggs, two tins of baked beans and some garlic bread. The wall paper has been known to peel of the saloon bulkhead. Better still it renders nubile ladies unconscious and blanks their memories for at least 24 hours.

FYI for your information I never eat pickled onions, I just drink the vinegar.

Varley likes the pickled onions with those cheese bits stuck on a stick with those tiny sausages, but then again he is a refined gentleman, even wipes his hands on the curtains and says excuse me before he farts.