Who want's to join me in embarassment?

[Old Oilskin]

6ft- 8in tall, 16st 2lbs (down from 17.5 stone), BP (at last GP visit) 126/81. He suggested I should consider "taking it easy" what ever that means.

Still working and climbing up structures.

BW

J

[YM-Mundrabilla]

At 6 foot 8 - can't you just reach up?

[John Rogers]

Dr. Visit for a colonoscopy

I went into my proctologist's office for my first rectal exam.
His new blond nurse, Evelyn, took me to an examining room
And told me to get undressed and have a seat
Until the doctor could see me .
She said that he would only be a few minutes.

After putting on the gown that she gave me
I sat down. While waiting I observed
That there were three items on a stand
Next to the exam table:

A Tube of K-Y jelly,
A rubber glove
And a beer .

When the doctor finally came in I said,
"Look Doc, I'm a little confused
This is my first exam ..
I know what the K-Y is for
And I know what the glove is for,

But can you tell me what the BEER is for?

At that Doctor Paul became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door

He flung the door open and yelled to his new nurse .. . . . . .

Darn it Evelyn !!!

I said a BUTT LIGHT "

[Lucy Knight]

How to calculate your BMI
You go into Tesco superstore. Near the toilets at back is a machine. Stand on it. Put 50p in slot. An American voice tetlls you what buttons to press. Eg male or female, age. It automatically measures your height. You hold the handles. It measures your body resistance.Out pops a print out. This tells you the range of your correct BMI. What your BMI is, weight, height etc. And whether you are classed as obese etc. Usually its too accurate.

[BobClay]

Last time I offered that sort of information to a machine and waited for a result I got the reply:

YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATED !!

I had a hell of a time getting away from it ....

[Varley]

See #1 for edited update (going the wrong way again).

[Farmer John]

Originally Posted by BobClay

YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATED !!

I had a hell of a time getting away from it ....

I thought you just ran down a flight of stairs and listened for a sound like a dustbin fighting 5 egg whisks.

[BobClay]

You should never question a machine that thinks it can conquer the Universe with an egg whisk and a sink sucker. If nothing else, it doesn't lack confidence.

[Varley]

Latest in edit to #1. Better, this week.

[Rodney]

Better do what Dave? Better do push-ups away from the table?

[Varley]

I should be making the most of my upset sense of taste Rodney, alas not. Dinner out - fizzie water. Can still taste solids almost unchanged - doesn't help. Extra ,meal at lunchtime gammon steak and chips. Bangers and mash this evening. Can't reach the bloody table!

[Dave McGouldrick]

When I weigh myself after my wife has managed to shrink my clothes in the washing machine, it seems my weight has increased. I'm sure you scientific types can establish the correllation here. I'm thinking that mass is constant but weight varies with gravity and velocity( Feeling very confused - must have a second breakfast to recover)

[Chadburn]

Originally Posted by Dave McGouldrick

When I weigh myself after my wife has managed to shrink my clothes in the washing machine, it seems my weight has increased. I'm sure you scientific types can establish the correllation here. I'm thinking that mass is constant but weight varies with gravity and velocity( Feeling very confused - must have a second breakfast to recover)

Apparently we are 1/2 inch shorter when we stand up if that helps, it must be in the Leg department judging by the times I need my trousers taken up.

[Varley]

Another OK week. Much entertaining but still managed to loose 1/8th pound (see #1).

(I am not sure my bathroom scales can deal with relativistic mass so I shouldn't worry about trying to weigh yourself when approaching a light like velocity. I am sure the effect of washing machines and dry cleaners on one's clothes could be explained by our Albert, problem is we wouldn't be able to follow the line).

[BobClay]

You could try weighing yourself upstairs rather than downstairs. You'll be little lighter, but .. if your bathroom scales have that kind of resolution they must have cost a bob or two.

Alas not a route for me to lose weight, live in a bungalow.

[Varley]

See #1. A reversal this week. Both weight and pressure have gone up. Maybe I need more stairs to go up.

[Farmer John]

Originally Posted by Varley

Maybe I need more stairs to go up.

You need no more stairs than those you have. Climb to the top of them, and stand facing them. Now reach down and, keeping your body in a bow, touch your toes. Stnd up, turn around and climb the stairs again. This will afford you endless amusement and can be repeated as often as you feel will benefit you.

[BobClay]

Another way to balance out your exercise is to pick up your beer glass with the other hand now and again.

Ahh... if only they sold beer in litre glasses, you could use both hands then ...

(fond memories of the Zillertal.)

[YM-Mundrabilla]

Originally Posted by BobClay

You could try weighing yourself upstairs rather than downstairs. You'll be little lighter, but .. if your bathroom scales have that kind of resolution they must have cost a bob or two.

Alas not a route for me to lose weight, live in a bungalow.

My scales have great resolution. They cost me $A 15 the other day at K Mart.
I just keep jumping on and off and then content myself with the lowest figure.....

[Varley]

Originally Posted by Farmer John

You need no more stairs than those you have. Climb to the top of them, and stand facing them. Now reach down and, keeping your body in a bow, touch your toes. Stnd up, turn around and climb the stairs again. This will afford you endless amusement and can be repeated as often as you feel will benefit you.

At least when I went down on my arse I only got carpet burns and not a broken neck!

[Engine Serang]

66
5ft 10in
16 st 0 lbs
BP 220 / 120

Doctor nearly had a heart attack.
Now on a clean living regime.

[Varley]

And Lisinopril?

[Engine Serang]

Adalat, Valsartin, Bisoproprol and a pee pill. And no Ulster Fry's.

[Varley]

Good-oh. We share the same age slot, need for diuretics and hankering for a proper breakfast.

[Varley]

See #1 for update. A better week (although it might all be my liver trying to escape)