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#526
25th April 2020, 21:50
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What should you do if you're addicted to seaweed ?
Sea kelp.
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"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.) 
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#527
25th April 2020, 22:08
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Bob, in these difficult times you might curtail your testing of the Groan-o-meter.
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Buvez toujours, mourrez jamais. Rabelais
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#528
25th April 2020, 22:55
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Week 5 of the lockdown. Bob boils and eats his groan-o-meter.
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#529
26th April 2020, 07:59
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Only 5 weeks, that's hardly a slow steam to the Gulf. With only Ras Tan to look forward to.
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#530
26th April 2020, 09:51
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Did that a few times via the Cape. Groan-o-meters on toast most of the way there and most of the way back .. (all the way if we stored via a chopper off Capetown.)
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#532
30th April 2020, 14:49
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Or Foot 'n Mouth.
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#533
1st May 2020, 04:33
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Covid-19
I am a strong believer in at least two things in this life:
Naturally, I will not be taking part in this government initiative but may well check on some young lady students down the street to see if their passports are valid.
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#535
1st May 2020, 10:47
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A strange shade of whitey brown.
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#536
4th May 2020, 03:51
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#537
4th May 2020, 06:20
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And no JPR, Thorburn, Windsor, Price or Faulkner!
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#539
7th May 2020, 10:48
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Quote:
__________________
David V Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right It is the duty of the wealthy man To give employment to the artisan
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#540
17th May 2020, 10:31
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About a month before my uncle died we greased his back with lard. He went downhill fast after that.
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#541
17th May 2020, 11:10
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Tried that but doesn't seem to work, Uncle has a tummy rash and we keep sliding off.
__________________
David V Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right It is the duty of the wealthy man To give employment to the artisan
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#542
17th May 2020, 11:52
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Twanged something in my gut laughing at this …. (I've cleaned it up a bit as I know seafarers don't like bad words.
)
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#544
21st May 2020, 12:44
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I am adding a mechanical overload preventer to the latest groan-o-meter. The giggle based governor circuit is obviously not up to the mark, the pointer's already got a bend in it.
__________________
David V Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right It is the duty of the wealthy man To give employment to the artisan
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#545
21st May 2020, 14:29
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You might not like the guy, and I'll be the first to admit he's a bit of a party pooper … but at least he's considerate enough to wear a face mask in these troubled times …
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#546
21st May 2020, 20:25
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Bet his jacket could tell a few tales.
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#547
25th May 2020, 09:55
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Quote:
The mole family went for a walk. First came baby mole, then mummy , then daddy mole. Baby mole says " Mummy ! Mummy ! I can smell sugar ! " Mummy moles doesn't answer . Baby mole gets rather exited " Mummy ! Mummy ! I can smell sugar ! "he shouts. Mummy mole says " That's not sugar, sweetie ! That's honey ! " Daddy Mole says rather grumpily " All I can smell round here is mole a***s !" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtxbM7-jAD0
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#548
26th May 2020, 03:21
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As a singer I sing at many funerals & I was recently asked by a funeral director to play & sing at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery out in the country. As I was not familiar with the area, I got lost. I finally arrived an hour late and saw that the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to sing. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I sang from my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends.
As I sang “Amazing Grace”, the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full. As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I’ve never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.” Apparently, I’m still lost….
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#549
26th May 2020, 05:48
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As I sang “Amazing Grace”, the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together.
As did I. This is the most convincing joke I've heard in a long time. PS. Are you a tenor or baritone?
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#550
26th May 2020, 09:43
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Quote:
ATB Laure
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