virtual crazy gang, part II

[Varley]

It sounds more that they have all been on the pop.

My Froggie SiL eschews snails. I can argue with her only that she serves from cold plates and reserves parsnips for feeding the horses (which has resulted this year in her being thrown from one. And serve her right!) I have, however teased her since I first met her as having been expelled from France for her cooking (grossly unfair but it does bring the colour to her cheeks).

Now, artichokes, the Jerusalem kind. They really do turn a one pot simmered gammon meal into a fartfest.

That smell is not me farting or halitosising - it is coming from that oddly stained rag that is simmering on the Starboard steaming lantern. Luckily the miasma rising from is such that we still seem to be complying with colregs (but probably not marpol).

[billyboy]

heh heh. Just like swinging into the river dart DS.

[Engine Serang]

Originally Posted by Dartskipper

Anybody on the wheel?

Ah.. that'll be me then. Hard a Starboard it is FJ. Do they still drive on the right over here? Don't want to cause any accidents.

Man on the Wheel????

How terribly last century. You'll want Royals and Top'gallant sails next.

Use the ECDIS, fantastic bit of touch screen kit that Young V wired up recently. Input course, set WP's, set contour alarms, set ROT and feed Fido the Alsatian and it's all hands to the Smokeroom. Yee Ha.

[Tom Alexander]

We have picked up le pilote chap - he's very happy with his one litre sippy cup filled with our latest acquisition from Porto -- does require we wear hard hats thought and we'll have to duck a bit with all the bridges we'll have to go under.

Another round on the bridge? As I think it was Gilbert Harding said "I don't mind if I do."

[Varley]

I am not sure I have got all the bugs out of that Electronic Contraption Dictating Insane Seafaring. There are still crumbs appearing under the CPU and I am sure there were two biscuits on my saucer when I put it down. Better stick to using it to play 'Golden Shot' and do the left-hand-down-a-bit bit on manual.

[Farmer John]

Originally Posted by Tom Alexander

I think it was Gilbert Harding said "I don't mind if I do."

I've said it too, and I say it again now.

That shirt was clean when I put it on a week ago.

[Engine Serang]

And you change your knickers every week whether you need to or not.

[Dartskipper]

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

And you change your knickers every week whether you need to or not.

And certainly after the annual bath.

[Tom Alexander]

Originally Posted by Varley

I am not sure I have got all the bugs out of that Electronic Contraption Dictating Insane Seafaring. There are still crumbs appearing under the CPU and I am sure there were two biscuits on my saucer when I put it down. Better stick to using it to play 'Golden Shot' and do the left-hand-down-a-bit bit on manual.

I always remember the foggy night when, although I couldn't see the bus, I could see the conductor walking ahead with a flaming torch made out of rolled up newspaper guiding the bus. Unseen on the other side of the road, we could hear this voice yelling "Left 'and daan, 'arry, LEFT 'AND DAAN !!! Followed by a crashing noise of a car hitting a stone wall.

[billyboy]

Twas a dark cold winters night, the rain was very heavy as I drove my truck through the night.
In the glare of my headlights I spotted a poor old lady soaked to the skin. I stopped and offererd her a lift to the next town. As i drove along she said " you are taking a chance picking up a witch" get away I said. she placed her hand on my knee and I turned into a lay-by

[Engine Serang]

a poor old lady soaked to the skin.
I turned into a lay-by.

Not your finest hour, Billyboy.
If she presses charges you'll end up tossing off into a test tube for the Old Bill.

If I was you I'd lie low for a couple of weeks and not go ashore in Rouen.
Lay-Bye indeed.

[billyboy]

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

a poor old lady soaked to the skin.
I turned into a lay-by.

Not your finest hour, Billyboy.
If she presses charges you'll end up tossing off into a test tube for the Old Bill.

If I was you I'd lie low for a couple of weeks and not go ashore in Rouen.
Lay-Bye indeed.

I suppose being 77 years of age you cauld say "I am the OLD BILL"

[Engine Serang]

77, I'll tell the Agent in Rouen to deliver an iron lung to the gangway. Tmac can bring a cylinder of oxygen or the other stuff up from the pit and we'll give you a bloody good MOT.

[Tmac1720]

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

77, I'll tell the Agent in Rouen to deliver an iron lung to the gangway. Tmac can bring a cylinder of oxygen or the other stuff up from the pit and we'll give you a bloody good MOT.

Excuse moi, but I is Chief Injuneer....YOU bring up the cylinder bloody cheek

Vis a vis hygiene, I have a fool proof method of assessing under crackers. I throw them against the bulkhead and if they stick I get a fresh pair otherwise they will do for another week or so

I think I also picked up that old lady, took ages to find the correct wrinkle

[Engine Serang]

I think I also picked up that old lady, took ages to find the correct wrinkle

Senses my dear T, senses.

You only used one sense, touch. Billy will use two, common and smell. Smell being the stronger.

Neither of you will use sight, and that is common sense.

As for the bottle of oxygen, just give me the nod and I will detail Pip and Squeek to get it up to Billyboy's stateroom.

[Tmac1720]

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

You only used one sense, touch. Billy will use two, common and smell. Smell being the stronger.

I don't like the smell of fish

[Farmer John]

Originally Posted by Tmac1720

I don't like the smell of fish

I spent a year in Hull in about 1965. Never been back, though it's only a short distance.

[Engine Serang]

There's only two things...……………...

[billyboy]

brings to mind something the late commodore Briggs once said "as confused as 17 blind Lesbians on a Tuna boat"

[Farmer John]

Ah we miss the Commodore. What a turn of phrase.

[billyboy]

I miss John too. Had a great time with him when he came to visit us here in the Philippines, He was a real gent with an awesome sense of humour. RIP Commodore.

[billyboy]

Strange bloke with a striped shirt on a bike loaded with Onions on the Quay. Somebody order some?
Wow check out the chick with the big glasses and mini skirt! Smoking Gauloise fags and a bottle of Vin Rouge in her other hand.

[YM-Mundrabilla]

Thank goodness for your post BB. I was beginning to worry.
Where are we? Are we there yet?
I thought that we had sunk and that no one had told me.
Will the big glasses hold a can of Coke?
Mini skirt - yes. Fags - no, thank you.
Getting fussy in my old age - that's probably why I have no success.

[Engine Serang]

Bloody jig-saws are keeping me in my cabin and I am quickly going blind. My old shipmate Baron V of Mona is spending most of his Free Time having existential discussions with a scouser poet. No not Roger mc Gough, the other one.
There is cobwebs in the Saloon and sagebrush blowing thro the Smokeroom. Jig saws are better than the Sally Ann at keeping you oiff the booze.

[YM-Mundrabilla]

Jigsaws are merely another way of going blind.

I have been making a few jigsaws from some of my photos.

https://www.jigsawplanet.com/?rc=play&pid=3837dcb04656

It is most disconcerting and demoralising when complete strangers can do one's own jigsaws in less than 10 minutes when it takes me anything from 40 to 50 minutes.