virtual crazy gang, part II

[billyboy]

as while ago the bottom was falling out of his world. now the world is falling out of his bottom...LOL

[Farmer John]

We have loaded the cargo from Eastbourne, we leave on the tide tonight with a faint whiff of Violets trailing behind us.

We will be leaving parts of this cargo at various ports, a boat calling for the consignment as we pas majestically by.

[Tmac1720]

Originally Posted by Farmer John

we leave on the tide tonight with a faint whiff of Violets trailing behind us.

Ah ha, I thought I could smell fish

[billyboy]

I just checked the Manifest FJ. I see we have gained a barrel of "Star Bitter" Eastbournes best. Well done! we'll tap it soon as we are on course to our next destination.

[Farmer John]

Hmm, Sir W, just looked that up

"The aroma is rich, wood, earth, old leather sofa, pretty fruity actually, loads of soft red berry and musty basement..."

It sounds intriguing, someone else mentions marmalade. I think it will be a good one to try.

If anyone else has recommendations for us to collect as we wend our way up the East coast, this could be a memorable layover in Lerwick. Can't wait for suggestions.

[Varley]

From that description of bitter I have a suggestion for Lerwick:

Do not take on another barrel of Star Bitter.

This Island is on the way. Take on a barrel or two of Bushy's Castletown.

(it might be good for E-S's plastico to know that porcelain does not start off black).

[Engine Serang]

Lets make a little diversion and steam up the Irish Sea, hang a Stbd at Cape Wrath and catch the tide at Pentland Firth, no need for Warp 5.
Lets have the weekend in the Isle of Man. Some nice hostelries but very quiet since Joe Dolan died. It needs livening-up.
And Tmac can open another bank account, his 1721th.

[Varley]

A great idea. We need, however, to keep this from the Loaghtan Ladies Guild of Decency after the last visit. As to the voyage plan the Island is back in the Manx Ocean (claimed by the Island immediately to our West) after the clocks returned to proper time and not in the North Sea. Please put the ECDIS back the other way round or operate it from a standing-on-the-head position. If we catch the Pentlands right we will do WARP 5 anyway (well it worked from the other direction anyway).

[Tmac1720]

Sounds like fun... I went to the IoM for my 21st, birthday NOT woman, unfortunately it was shut, something akin to a cemetery with lights

Place was full of girls from Belfast so I might as well have stayed at home

I keep hoping to be invited back but I fear I am persona non grata although I don't know why as I apologised for all the trouble I caused that wasn't my fault anyhoo.

[Engine Serang]

It has been said that there's more fun in Culleybacky on a wet Sunday than there is in Douglas on a Friday night.
But we can change that!
Vmax tells me IOM still has a manual telephone exchange, It'ssssssssssssss Party Time.
Steward.... clean linen for my bunk, please.

[Farmer John]

Well IOM it is by popular demand. We will be running incognito, given the memories the natives have of us and the memories we have of the natives.

Dartskipper, please aim for that wonderful Isle, no hurry, Varley needs to get the orders in down at the brewery and get his cloaking device for Varley Towers going, no-one expects him to give away his real abode unless he wishes to.

Tmac, Varley may offer you an invitation, he is a man of great compassion and forgiveness.

[Engine Serang]

Originally Posted by Farmer John

Well IOM it is by popular demand, please aim for that wonderful Isle,

Tmac, Varley may offer you an invitation, he is a man of great compassion and forgiveness.

Wrong on both counts. Those rose-tinted glasses will have to go.

[billyboy]

???we're swinging. JUst looking for Dover and now its on the other side of the ship. Well, if we are headed down channel why not call in at Falmouth and stock up on Scrumpy and pasties. That will get us in the mood for a blast up the irish Sea.
followed by a ship party with invited guests in IOM.

[Farmer John]

Sir William, I can feel a great plan coming together.

[Engine Serang]

I'm not sure Cornish Nasties will be acceptable to the Ladies in the IOM, or Mna na Mona as they are universally known. The Ladies Guild of Decency do not like a big mouthful of crust and veg. Beef is a different, allegedly..
Would it be wise to appoint a Liaison Officer to guide us thro this social minefield, if so my vote goes to the worthy Mr Varley of this, and that, Parish.

[Varley]

One should not import uncooked meat but don't worry pasties are available locally. No problem with the scrumpy although the Apple Orphanage is said to make an alcoholic brew. I am happy to offer guidance on Island etiquette. In fact if I am still on articles I damn well insist upon doing so!

[Farmer John]

Originally Posted by Varley

I am happy to offer guidance on Island etiquette. In fact if I am still on articles I damn well insist upon doing so!

Varley, I do hope you are still on articles, sometimes it seems very quiet round here. We value your erudition and your ability to make sparky things OK.

Any chance of a quick list of does and don'ts? Not in general, specific to our upcoming call.

[Tmac1720]

Enquiring about IoM etiquette is akin to flogging (geddit) a dead horse. Quite painful I am told and not at all enjoyable unless you are into that sort of thing. Alas I am reliably informed the application of Birch rods now is only available as self flagellation

However I have no doubt comrade Varley could oblige with one or two spare whip aerials

[Varley]

I have no knowledge of self flagellation, I had a Nanny. Birching on the NHS, as it were, is no longer prescribed however I am sure it is available privately, possibly alongside French lessons.

There are certain customs that should be followed. We do not have Romeo Alpha Tangoes. We have longtails or long-tailed fella's. Squeek should probably do day aboard while we are in Douglas and certainly stay away from open mesh 'kiosks' smelling of sweet biscuit.

For those of the company who are visiting the Island for the first time there is one important formality to be observed. On departure the newcomer is presented with a lifetime multiple entry visa however this is in exchange for a kipper to be embroidered with the subject's arrival details (Any maiden's name(s), DoB, date and time of arrival, bank balance and surviving Great Uncles arranged in alphabetical order).

Without this important piscatorial item the ship may be delayed and any maidens will have to be relinquished.

[billyboy]

French?? that mean they have french Knickers or do they still wears the knee length bloomers (wrist breakers, Directoire)

[Engine Serang]

Originally Posted by Varley

For those of the company who are visiting the Island for the first time there is one important formality to be observed. On departure the newcomer is presented with a lifetime multiple entry visa however this is in exchange for a kipper to be embroidered with the subject's arrival details (Any maiden's name(s), DoB, date and time of arrival, bank balance and surviving Great Uncles arranged in alphabetical order).
.

Yes indeedy, all the above but primarily your Bank Balance.

[Tmac1720]

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

It has been said that there's more fun in Culleybacky on a wet Sunday than there is in Douglas on a Friday night.

Obviously you have never frequented Buckna on a Friday night either.

They don't bury the dead there they just stand them up at bus stops to make the place look busy

[Engine Serang]

Rumours circulating that Isle of Man has broke adrift and heading Northward. We may be tasked to assist Smit and Maersk in getting a line on board. Our bollard pull is rated as adequate but like T, never found wanting. The Tynwald has accepted LOF so we're in the money and can top off the Bond. Happy Days. And evenings.

[Varley]

That cannot have been T that you have been wanting but something stronger and already consumed.

Had that happened my satellite dish would have been off. Were it Summer time I would have understood the confusion as, should we plot our noon sights from the politically 'corrected' clock, we would find ourselves in the Baltic or possibly aground off Gdansk.

That also cannot be as the cable and gas pipe connections would be severely stretched and the latter might even drag parts of enemy occupied Hibernia from her anchorage (and the lights are still on and the galley still operational - I have double checked)

[Farmer John]

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

Yes indeedy, all the above but primarily your Bank Balance.

Is there a convention for reporting a very low balance? £0.00 seems so inelegant.

I do, of course have some money but it is all under the mattress, well, several mattresses (don't want to raise the level too high).

As was said on the Simpson's after the query "How do you sleep at nights?" was answered with "With many beautiful women on top of a big pile of money".

The island is not moving, all the old motorbikes thrown overboard after unsuccessful trips to the races will hold it in one place.

One question I have always wanted to ask, is the wheel at Laxey a derelict flint for a giant lighter?