virtual crazy gang, part II

Farmer John · #**6026** 28th January 2020, 23:47

Durian is the food of the Gods, none of them has any sense of smell.

That was a bit of a rattle we just had, hope there is no damage. Reports are not fully in, but it seems like there are are few if any casualties.

(reports of 7.7 earthquake in sea of Jamaica and Cuba.)

Engine Serang · #**6027** 29th January 2020, 07:19

"Rather Remote", says it all.

billyboy · #**6028** 29th January 2020, 08:36

Lots of relatives up there and all very nice people too. All Durian farmers

Engine Serang · #**6029** 29th January 2020, 10:49

In Jamaica they smoke Ganja to mask the smell of Durian. ?Smoking sh1t to disguise sh1t.

Varley · #**6030** 29th January 2020, 11:55

I should remonstrate. I am generally a convenient guest who brings a bottle or two in an insulated ditty bag. The exception I make is so called Irish Stew when served a l'ecole, and seafood. I am rarely invited to seafood. It is expensive and my conversation is not up to that mark.

I would also point out that when visiting I take the Rochas not the Waitrose.

Don't the indigenous of Africa find that merde burns well, especially the cow variety? So much so that I am surprised that charterers have not mooted it as bunkers. Merde de vache, of course, is different from merde au Reggae. If the latter burned as well it would be bong too quick.

Varley · #**6031** 29th January 2020, 12:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

Mr V thinks Swan is a beer from W Australia.
Is Durian the fruit that smells like No. 2's? Most things in Moaning Mona smell dodgy so the Durian could be a grapefruit.
On the stop-over V treated us all to a night on Okells and bloody good it was, aroma of hops was pure nostalgia after years of Tennants and bloody Watneys London Lager. Perhaps it should be a regular R&R port.

You would all (I am being polite) be most welcome. That was Bushy's by the way (although Okell's is a good pint, too). Watney's Red Barrel - That must be put up against some truly foul brews to be classed beer. I am not sure we would not have preferred the Maccabee to that brew.

billyboy · #**6032** 29th January 2020, 23:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by Varley

You would all (I am being polite) be most welcome. That was Bushy's by the way (although Okell's is a good pint, too). Watney's Red Barrel - That must be put up against some truly foul brews to be classed beer. I am not sure we would not have preferred the Maccabee to that brew.

I trust that includes Orangeboom

Tmac1720 · #**6033** 30th January 2020, 13:21

Was in just in Norn iron that we had Morton's Red Heart or Wee Willie brown ale.... never seen them anywhere else

Farmer John · #**6034** 30th January 2020, 16:32

We will be sailing on the early tide tomorrow, heading for Kingston, Jamaica. Tobacco loading is complete, Rum is all stored in the Liquor Locker. Tmac has negotiated for all the bits he needs and for all the bits he can sell.

Isn't all Brown Ale the cause ultimately of Wee Willie?

Engine Serang · #**6035** 30th January 2020, 20:47

Quote:

Originally Posted by Farmer John

Isn't all Brown Ale the cause ultimately of Wee Willie?

It is indeed FJ, but bottled Guinness can be the cause of Big Dick.

Varley · #**6036** 31st January 2020, 01:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by billyboy

I trust that includes Orangeboom

We got Orangeboom after the chandler slipped us a bum delivery of Maccabee on which we lived between meals and would not honour a return. A pity, so yes. Even onion beer beats Orangeboom.

Engine Serang · #**6037** 31st January 2020, 07:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by Varley

We got Orangeboom after the chandler slipped us a bum delivery of Maccabee on which we lived between meals and would not honour a return. A pity, so yes. Even onion beer beats Orangeboom.

The Chandler did not slip you a bum delivery, he slipped the Purser/Chief Steward a brown envelope and your "Shipmate" laughed his bollix off at all the Officers whinging whilst tutt-tutting at their misfortune..

Varley · #**6038** 31st January 2020, 11:54

I am sure Chinese chiefy steward would not try and slip that one passed - many of them were regulars too. We might have had to threaten their supplies of Remy.

lakercapt · #**6039** 31st January 2020, 13:45

Orangeboom beer was certain in a class of its own even for those bad beers we knew. However, it was tasted better as the voyage progressed and there was nothing as an alternative. If we were to list all the beers we disliked I thing Watneys Red Barrel would be in there!!! Many more I am sure will be in this category?????

Engine Serang · #**6040** 31st January 2020, 15:06

Compulsory drug and alcohol testing has deprived many ships of their resident beer connoisseurs and life has become a little less fun.

Farmer John · #**6041** 31st January 2020, 22:30

Quote:

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

Compulsory drug and alcohol testing has deprived many ships of their resident beer connoisseurs and life has become a little less fun.

Luckily, we do mot have this kind of new fangled thing on the GD, we carry one of the finest selections of Ales, Spirits and Wines on the planet, ask and it will be obtained, our sources are secret but very effective.

Urinating from the Monkey island is prohibited, nevertheless.

billyboy · #**6042** 31st January 2020, 23:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by Farmer John

Luckily, we do mot have this kind of new fangled thing on the GD, we carry one of the finest selections of Ales, Spirits and Wines on the planet, ask and it will be obtained, our sources are secret but very effective.

Urinating from the Monkey island is prohibited, nevertheless.

especially whilst sat on the radar scanner, The ladies at the I.O.M were not amused by that one.

Farmer John · #**6043** 31st January 2020, 23:15

Sorry, Sir William, I should have said "Urinating from the Monkey Island is now prohibited".

Who would have thought it would degenerate to a competition?

Engine Serang · #**6044** 1st February 2020, 10:43

No more challenges between me and Tmax to see who could pee as far as No. 4 hatch cover. This is PC gone mad.

Farmer John · #**6045** 1st February 2020, 11:06

just to remind people of the sillyness, we had:
Distance
Volume
Freestyle
Relay
Speed
Duration
Accuracy
Fancy patterns
And morse code messages

The consumption of lager was dramatic and, in the case of the Oranjeboom, literally went through the roof. Very caustic.

Varley · #**6046** 1st February 2020, 11:47

Quote:

Originally Posted by Farmer John

Sorry, Sir William, I should have said "Urinating from the Monkey Island is now prohibited".

Who would have thought it would degenerate to a competition?

Why didn't you post that notice at the bottom? I could barely hold it in until I got back down again to pee in a leeward bridge-deck scupper.

Mind you it is about time, I was looking the replace the clear-view screens with steam driven as overhauling the electrical ones was getting rather smelly.

Tmac1720 · #**6047** 1st February 2020, 17:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

No more challenges between me and Tmax to see who could pee as far as No. 4 hatch cover. This is PC gone mad.

You are just jealous because I can pee from the fore peak to the stern castle AND sign my name in the same flow

Engine Serang · #**6048** 1st February 2020, 21:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tmac1720

You are just jealous because I can pee from the fore peak to the stern castle AND sign my name in the same flow

Yes, but can you fill the Fore Peak?

Farmer John · #**6049** 1st February 2020, 22:23

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tmac1720

You are just jealous because I can pee from the fore peak to the stern castle AND sign my name in the same flow

The committee wasn't sure it was your handwriting, as you know. Also, you couldn't repeat within the required twenty minutes in the return direction.

Farmer John · #**6050** 1st February 2020, 23:10

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotla...tland-51294326

Good job we got the GD out in time.