virtual crazy gang, part II

[Varley]

Uneasiness? Half and half cooking brandy and port. Repeat until it clears. Never tried it with Rum - which better used as substitute for Sir. William D's fluawei cure which otherwise specifies Scots' blended varnish remover.

[Engine Serang]

Half and half cooking brandy and port.

Easy enough to mix the cocktail but does one drink it or rub it on the withers? I know Tmax drinks everything but I'm a bit more delicate (sofictacatted).

[billyboy]

seem to be a little out of touch. where are we FJ?
Steward! another bottle please!. Oh and take this bottle of rare vintage port to Mr Varley with my compliments and ask him if he will be so kind as to contact the Agent with regard to lucrative work will you.

[Varley]

NICE has not commented on its efficacy as a topical embrocation. From personal experience I can say that sufficient taken internally can, indeed, cause some unwanted wither. In that it is much like the hooch for which Hibernia has gained a 'name'. Unlike that infamous brew it is ineffective in ruining the surface finish on the heirloomery and I am sure the odd splash on exposed skin would do no harm. However, perhaps application per ano would reach the bowel more quickly.

[Farmer John]

Originally Posted by billyboy

seem to be a little out of touch. where are we FJ?
Steward! another bottle please!. Oh and take this bottle of rare vintage port to Mr Varley with my compliments and ask him if he will be so kind as to contact the Agent with regard to lucrative work will you.

Sir William we are at present at Kingston, Jamaica, awaiting some stabilisation in the general situation. There are some strange smoky smells around, everyone is smiling and Varley has his beard in dreadlocks and his hair in cornrows. Very fetching if it is cultural appropriation. Seems difficult to care.

[Varley]

Hey who done do dat to my barnetry? Wow, these smokes, man, not notin like de Cubans. Shit, I got de withers again.

[billyboy]

look at dem plasticos up in the prow waving and singing "My heart will go on" the smell of the smoke seems to have energised them

[Engine Serang]

Let Go Fore and Aft, DS Ahead, S Ahead, Full Ahead, FAOP. Just escaped the Race Relations Act. Pphew.
Our Charterers must be a tad more judicious in selecting ports, else we will all be in a chain gang.
No sh1t Captain, no sh1t.

[Farmer John]

Oh, ES, quieten down. No-one listening,no-one.

[Engine Serang]

A Select Vestry FJ, very select.

[Varley]

Of course we are. Every word that drips from his erudite gob.

Vestry? I thought the engine room more noisy crypt.

[billyboy]

last time I went down there they had the hoogamaflik out of the whats its name that connects to the watchamacalit. all seems fine now though. Just sent my steward down with a case of black bush.

[Varley]

Are you sure that wasn't the other way around?

[Farmer John]

Makes a lovely noise when I blip the accelerator. I've not signed any turning orders so it should be fine.

[Farmer John]

Originally Posted by Farmer John

Makes a lovely noise when I blip the accelerator. I've not signed any turning orders so it should be fine.

Alright, what wise guy connected the pedal marked accelerator to a noise maker? I have been using that for six months, I thought the response was a little erratic and I did get some funny looks, but now I find it was a complete scam !

[Engine Serang]

What an innocent soul you are FJ. We down below will connect anything to anything to give you the warm feeling of contributing. Put the accelerator to Full Ahead and you hear a big roar, all's well with the greasy beast, Tmax and his mob are beavering away. Or is Tmax and his beavers are mobbing away? Or more likely Knobbing away.
Your DR's would be more accurate if you used a roulette wheel rather than that brass contraption daddy bought you when you passed second mates.

[billyboy]

That dent in our starboard bow suggests someone missed the brake pedal as well

[Engine Serang]

Push the big accelerator lever thingy away from you and GD2 will surge forward with great gusto. Pull it towards you and by a process of fluid mechanics and thermodynamics the accelerator thingy becomes a brake and GD2 will vibrate comfortingly to a stop.
It may not always happen quite as above but if stoichiometric combustion conditions are favourable and Tmax is in good form you have a plan.

[Engine Serang]

One sometimes wonders if anyone looking out the windows has a Second Mates.

[Varley]

Why the hell is the exercise bike up here? And why has someone attached a rope between it and the telegraph? For heaven's sake make a signal to Great Gusto to stand clear until Tmac has taken some Gaviscon for that distressing condition (no one approach the sanitary exhaust fan outlet from leeward).

[Farmer John]

I have been informed that we must leave Kingston or pay for the dredging of empty tins and bottles around us.

Captain, we are heading for Marseilles, I have a cargo offered for there and we can all learn songs to sing when we are feeling prone to revolutions, something I believe Injuneers are very susceptible to.

We sail on the evening tide (There! that sounds nautical) so dig Blue Peter out of his fetid bunk and send him up to wave goodbye to all the girls.

Take that exercise bike away, I have been shamefully spoofed.

[Varley]

I don't think Gaviscon is good for Blue-Peter. Definitely a naughtycall girl to whom we should have not waved "hello".

(If the Gaviscon does work what the hell had Peter eaten to cause it?)

[Tmac1720]

WARNING FROM THE INJUN ROOM = For God's sake do NOT press the big RED button until we are well clear of the harbour and any naviog.... navignol.... naveginet..... direction pointy thingies...... you deckie type hooligans have been warned.

If it all turns to sh1t and we get more dents in the hull don't come crying to me to fix it

You scurvy lot couldn't afford me anyhoo

[Farmer John]

Oh, we have no need for speed Tmac, though I know full well your de'il machines could provide it. We are well provisioned and have a profusion of beverages, from Vimto to Ambrosia (and I don't mean the tinned stuff). The small dentlet at the sharp end came from when we were playing 5-a-side ship footy, you said we would nudge a container ship out of the way by sheer power of engine, and you were right. Won the game, but you do get some dents.

[Engine Serang]

Just sitting in the Smoke Room with two guests, Patti LaBelle and Michael McDonald.