virtual crazy gang, part II

[Farmer John]

Location?

Hang on, I'll just do a quick check.

The water-down-the-plughole test indicates we are near the equator, the circulation was this way, that way and then straight down the 'ole.

We'll go from there as a start.

[Engine Serang]

From star gazing to navel gazing, why do we pay light dues.

[Varley]

You want to pay heavier ones?

[Engine Serang]

No, Light Dues are for the upkeep of lighthouses and buoys, boo ees in USA, Trinity House etc. They can be heavy, especially as no one uses them anymore. Do you expect our wheelhouse rats to look out the windows, bollix, you cannot be serious.

[Farmer John]

The ship will not founder without engines, the obverse is not true.

We only pay for any Lights that we identify and report, billed once per week.

[Engine Serang]

Keep a good weather eye for the Kish Bank Light, Fl (2)20s It is one worth paying for.

[billyboy]

if theres a light on the bank it must be open then. Lock down lifted there then is it.

[billyboy]

I reckon that map thingy up in the chart room must be upside down.
Farmer John Where are we?
Are we nearly there yet?
Mr Varley is getting low on cigars (getting high on vintage Port though)

[Farmer John]

Originally Posted by billyboy

I reckon that map thingy up in the chart room must be upside down.
Farmer John Where are we?
Are we nearly there yet?
Mr Varley is getting low on cigars (getting high on vintage Port though)

Frankly, Sir William, the chart we have been working on for the last few weeks had, rather embarrassingly, been turned over. I noticed that there was nothing to be seen apart from the name of the suppliers, but took it for granted that we were just in a rather unbusy part of our Oceans. I shall step out with the Sun Gun in a bit, but honestly we would do well to look out for seabirds, floating bottles with messages in them and anyone in the crew who are clutching treasure maps and looking shifty.

We are always nearly there, thanks to Tmac's Injuns. Once I have determined our location we can make for one that has cigars. Never fear, we are well provisioned apart from the cigars.

[Varley]

Davidoff and Pieroth still delivering in lockdown so remain able to have my daily smoke while having more than I ought, of the port.

(And were that not the case I must point out that "one that has cigars" is a meaningless voyage instruction. Havanas come from Havana, if it ain't from Cuba just light an old tuber).

What do you mean "determine our location" are you using the GPS aerial for the world service again?

[Tmac1720]

I never have any difficulty in discerning my location...... IT's always the feckin injun room !!!!!

Squeek is in a strop since his request for extra cheese was refused while Eric is "persona non grata" after crapping in the voice tube

All in all just another typical day in the room with the things wot go up and down and make strange hissing noises.

By the way if any of you happen to come across Engine Serang in your travels would you please remind him of the way to the injun room as he has apparently forgotten

[Farmer John]

Varley, the chart got turned over by accident when I was using it as a backdrop to show you how to do shadow butterflies illuminated with the Aldis lamp. It got put back upside down, and I have been watching it hoping that a piece of land would swim into view, forgetting that it is not a moving picture.

[Engine Serang]

Engine Serang is bloody good but he can't be both in the engine room and the pipe tunnel. He (me) (I) is currently deeply involved in a mission of mercy to keep Senor Varley lubricated. A dislubricated Varley is a frightful sight and would upset Ladies and the horses.
ES (Me) is putting a Thistlebond bandage on the discharge line from the Port Port pump to Senor V's Cabinda or rather his Cantina. (Why has he assumed a Cuban identity?). Of course we have a back up pump, the Stbd Port pump, but the Stbd Port DS Tank is MT. The Stbd Port stripping pump could suck some of the unpumpable bottoms but last year Lord V drank them, went mad and had to be wressled to the Sick Bay deck and have his belly pumped out with a stirrup pump from the Association Football sports locker. V recovered in jig time but the Cape Verde pumpman was never the same man again. So sad.
Tmax, I will return.

[billyboy]

Dont know about the "frightful sight" but if dehydrated for too long he can become downright dangerous. so jump to it ES.

[Tmac1720]

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

Engine Serang is bloody good but he can't be both in the engine room and the pipe tunnel. He (me) (I) is currently deeply involved in a mission of mercy to keep Senor Varley lubricated. A dislubricated Varley is a frightful sight and would upset Ladies and the horses.
ES (Me) is putting a Thistlebond bandage on the discharge line from the Port Port pump to Senor V's Cabinda or rather his Cantina. (Why has he assumed a Cuban identity?). Of course we have a back up pump, the Stbd Port pump, but the Stbd Port DS Tank is MT. The Stbd Port stripping pump could suck some of the unpumpable bottoms but last year Lord V drank them, went mad and had to be wressled to the Sick Bay deck and have his belly pumped out with a stirrup pump from the Association Football sports locker. V recovered in jig time but the Cape Verde pumpman was never the same man again. So sad.
Tmax, I will return.

Oh I see, any excuse then, I wondered where the Thistlebond went, I thought Mr V had eaten it as a diarrhoea cure

[Varley]

An unpumpable bottom would not have driven me to such a frenzy, you must have been having a Covid19 nightmare. I am not sure even the plasticos would have relished one with such a disinclination to play the Portuguese bailer.

Cooking brandy and supermarket special port (no matter the style) I find efficacious in most matters of the gut. I doubt it would be as effective in a classy repair bandage as a branded epoxy (classy is not the same as Class. as wot any surveyor kno) . Harry Gilbert when visiting India would always care an executive quantity of what the termed cement as his guts reacted less badly to Mexican food than that normally served in Bombay. I understand it was used internally and not in 'box' deployment but it may offer Tmac an idea in developing a dual purpose/halfway house between the two. Success in this would obviate the need for him to raid the forward port deep tank as well as the cognac locker when suffering mild gripe. Wait until it smells as if Squeek died up there a fortnight, Thursday before trying to lure him out with something other than a sniff of bog roll over water.

[billyboy]

Hmmmm quiet ship! guess most of our worthy crew have turned in. Not to worry. Just looked over the blunt end and the props are turning. Iron mike is steering, both long and short radar alarms are set.
Couple of beers and a bacon sarnie please steward!
Long time since I had the crew bar all to myself.

[Farmer John]

I hope greater certainty brings us back to busier times, I'll very gladly join you for a beer or two and a bacon sarnie, with an egg in it too please steward. Slow steaming with a little assistance from our sails is keeping us happy and moving.

[billyboy]

ah welcome Farmer John. Pull up a floorboard and sit yourself down.
2 more beers please steward!

[Farmer John]

I'll have two more as well, please, steward.

[Varley]

Sales? Short arm alarms? Perhaps I have not woken up properly as yet. I'll try a bacon butty and a pint of ton and ginnic young fellow, chap er, whatever. At least Tmac's bowels seem to have calmed down (perhaps clammed up).

[Engine Serang]

I set my clock by Tmax's bowel movements, perhaps that's why i'm always late on Watch.
BTW the toilet brush is a stranger to him; and the smell...………..

[Varley]

If it's that bad I wouldn't bare my arse to it either. Odd watch cycle that, 4 hours every fortnight.

[Farmer John]

Originally Posted by Varley

If it's that bad I wouldn't bare my arse to it either. Odd watch cycle that, 4 hours every fortnight.

Well, you know, ES, doesn't want to stretch himself.

[billyboy]

from what I heard from a lassie in Bettys bar he dont need to !.....LOl