virtual crazy gang, part II

Farmer John · #**6451** 21st August 2020, 10:51

Master Mariner? in reality I was never more than a Middy back when BF still called them Midshipmen. My progress to Commodore was, of course, well earned but perhaps a bit on the notional side. I never went for the uniform.

Tmac1720 · #**6452** 21st August 2020, 16:01

[QUOTE=I do reserve the right to be rude to one and all and also to say that you all mean quite a bit to me.

[/QUOTE]

What you mean is we all owe you money

Very sorry to hear your news, stay strong mate but your wee cabin chair is ready and waiting on the sun deck. (the bit at the back with the glass roof)

P.S. if any instruction in the use of rude words is required the injuneering crew are at your disposal. ES actually expanded my vocabulary in profanity when I accidentally dropped my flogging spanner on his head

Farmer John · #**6453** 21st August 2020, 19:30

I require no instruction in the use of rude words, working on the land must be where many of the earthier terms come from, then we started building ships and it all developed.

Chair on the sun deck sounds most acceptable.

Varley · #**6454** 21st August 2020, 23:46

I can see the Master's report now:

"This Middy has behaved himself to a level of self satisfaction that can entertain no doubt that he will inevitably achieve navigational Mastery. More vegetables, however, will improve his conversation, in quantity if not quality or direction".

Engine Serang · #**6455** 22nd August 2020, 07:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tmac1720

ES actually expanded my vocabulary in profanity when I accidentally dropped my flogging spanner on his head

I was very lucky, six inches to the left and he could have hit me on the shoulder.

YM-Mundrabilla · #**6456** 22nd August 2020, 10:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

I was very lucky, six inches to the left and he could have hit me on the shoulder.

Just as well.
We wouldn't want you to have a chip on your shoulder.

Varley · #**6457** 22nd August 2020, 10:36

No. A chip off the old block is one thing. A chip off the old bloke is quite another.

Tmac1720 · #**6458** 22nd August 2020, 12:59

he had his Frank Spencer beret on, how could I resist?

Engine Serang · #**6459** 23rd August 2020, 09:12

Wearing a black beret in Belfast is always asking for a reaction; exothermic, endothermic or even incandescent.
Dressing for the Bottom Plates 101, Learned.

Farmer John · #**6460** 23rd August 2020, 10:02

It didn't help that you also had a small bulls-eye painted on it.

Engine Serang · #**6461** 23rd August 2020, 16:12

I'll know better next time. No RAF roundel on my headgear. What a Silly Billy I am. (No pun).

Tmac1720 · #**6462** 23rd August 2020, 16:19

Quote:

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

Wearing a black beret in Belfast is always asking for a reaction; exothermic, endothermic or even incandescent.
Dressing for the Bottom Plates 101, Learned.

Gerry sends his regards, he was never in the Injun Room by the way, he only pretends to be an injuneer.

Engine Serang · #**6463** 23rd August 2020, 16:28

FJ if you want to retain command may I suggest you move your deck chair to the Wheelhouse. Vmin has invited on board a motor mechanic friend of his, a Mr Frank Hope-Jones, who is tampering with the innards of the ECDIS, the Radar and the Galley Clock..
Cook is flustered, butter eggs for dinner and a mutton chop for breakfast? Take control and frogmarch this imposter down the gangway, and his sponsor as well, if at all possible.

Varley · #**6464** 24th August 2020, 10:01

Only a plumber would think the electric map machine could be tended by a motor mechanic (especially one whose co-contraption with a railway engineer called Shortt engineered a timepiece that proved the astronomers' suspicions that Mother earth was not a good timekeeper, well - 'Mother' how could she be)

Rather appropriately this relied on the hit or miss principle. More, I am afraid, hit in the case of ECDIS. Despite much generic and specific STCW directed training.

You are probably right. It will work better if operated from a steamer chair (now he'll be off worrying if it uses too much water and YM how much extra shoveling he'll have to do).

Engine Serang · #**6465** 24th August 2020, 10:51

Wrong again Mr V. Steamer Chairs are not plumbed into the desuperheated main but a nice tartan rug is supplied in-lieu. It also comes with a retired major, his blue rinse wife and an effeminate steward with a tray of beef-tea.
This is the sort of cutting edge technology we expect from Cunard.

Varley · #**6466** 24th August 2020, 14:11

At Stanmore (an ex-'fever hospital' where Pa was confined for a while in the 50s) the beds were still plumbed in to the heating system. If FJ is to be confined to the bridge I think you should consider, at the very least, a bleed from the whistle supply to keep him warm (Conoco Europe had funnel locker turned into a 'sauna' by this cunning modification). A lithe steward may not be enough to keep him warm on a cold night (Mrs Major will surely be unavailable on bridge nights).

billyboy · #**6467** 28th August 2020, 11:51

Stanmore?...that the town with no chairs?

Been busy in the Bosuns store, doing some Carpentry.
Are we there yet FJ?

Engine Serang · #**6468** 29th August 2020, 05:50

Great news shipmates

McDonald's adds triple cheeseburgers to its permanent UK menu.

Also available, duty free, on offshore tax havens.

YM-Mundrabilla · #**6469** 29th August 2020, 07:29

Not sure about the bleed from the whistle line.

Last vessel on which I travelled (that's what us landlubbers do) was an Elbe Paddler whose almost only concession to being steam powered was a spit, a gurgle, a rattle and a shower of dirty water out of the whistle followed by a very feeble 'peep'.

Vessel didn't even rate a fireman being one of those automatic hot water service thingys.

Whistle probably full of COVID-19, birds'/rats' nests or some other crud which would be of little use to FJ.

Don't know about Mrs Major either as I have no knowledge of her.

Engine Serang · #**6470** 29th August 2020, 07:45

Quote:

Originally Posted by YM-Mundrabilla

Don't know about Mrs Major either as I have no knowledge of her.

A friendly word in your shell-like, give her a wide berth as she is a formidable woman. I don't know her first name but it is probably Marjorie or Edith, definitely not a Sharon / Tracey or a Sally.
A measure of her determination and aggressive tendencies can be deduced from the fact she is Vice Captain of Lord Varley's croquet team.

YM-Mundrabilla · #**6471** 29th August 2020, 09:54

Quote:

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

A friendly word in your shell-like, give her a wide berth as she is a formidable woman. I don't know her first name but it is probably Marjorie or Edith, definitely not a Sharon / Tracey or a Sally.
A measure of her determination and aggressive tendencies can be deduced from the fact she is Vice Captain of Lord Varley's croquet team.

Thanks ES.
I had an inkling that 'vice' was involved somewhere.

Varley · #**6472** 29th August 2020, 10:18

Indeed, have the helmsman give the major's lady a wide berth unless on a bridge night. You wouldn't want to have a tweed streak on the boot top and she mightn't appreciate the term rubbing strake at such close quarters. Her visiting card has it as Belinda.

billyboy · #**6473** 5th September 2020, 03:06

Seems awful quiet aboard here. my guess is something is afoot and someones conscience is keeping keeping them quiet.

Farmer John · #**6474** 5th September 2020, 09:23

Quote:

Originally Posted by billyboy

Seems awful quiet aboard here. my guess is something is afoot and someones conscience is keeping keeping them quiet.

That turd in the swimming pool is not mine and it has a Belfast look to it.

Varley · #**6475** 5th September 2020, 10:54

If we didn't allow nude bathing secrets like that would not slip out.