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#652
24th January 2021, 14:58
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The following excerpts are actual answers given on history tests and in Sunday School quizzes by children between 5th and 6th grade ages in Ohio. They were collected by two teachers over a period of three years. Read carefully for grammar, misplaced modifiers, and, of course, spelling.
Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Since then no one ever found it. Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died before he ever reached Canada but the commandos made it. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He was a actual hysterical figure as well as being in the bible. It sounds Like he was sort of busy too. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a young female moth. Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. He later died from an overdose of wedlock which is apparently poisonous. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline. In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out "Same to you, Brutus." Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah!" and that was the end of the fighting for a long while. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper which was very dangerous to all his men. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by Rubbing two cats backward and also declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." He was a naturalist for sure. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's Mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands... Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Charles Darwin was a naturalist. He wrote the Organ of the Species. It was very long. People got upset about it and had trials to see if it was really true. Madman Curie discovered radio. She was the first woman to do what she did. Other women have become scientists since her but they didn't get to find radios because they were already taken.
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Best Wishes, Alick 
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#654
24th January 2021, 23:26
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Quote:
I am old enough to remember the red EXIT signs that actually meant go in an emergency. Red is less distracting to night vision I understand. I much prefer red instrument lights to green in a car.
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If Global Warming is so prevalent why are there so many snowflakes around? Last edited by YM-Mundrabilla; 24th January 2021 at 23:33.
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#656
10th February 2021, 23:43
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How about using ausfahrt.
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#658
14th February 2021, 18:54
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Nancy Pelosi met with the Queen of England. She asked her, “Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?”
“Well,” said the Queen, “The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.” Pelosi frowned, and then asked, “But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?” The Queen took a sip of tea. “Oh, that’s easy: you just ask them a to answer an intelligent riddle.” The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. “Please send Boris Johnson in here, would you?” Boris Johnson walked into the room and said, “Yes, Your Majesty?” The Queen smiled and said, “Answer me this please, Boris, your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?” Without pausing for a moment, Boris answered, “That would be me.” “Yes! very good,” said the Queen. Pelosi went back home to ask Joe Biden, the same question. “Joe, answer this for me. “Your mother and your father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?” “I'm not sure,” said Biden. “Let me get back to you on that one.” He went to his advisors and asked everyone, but none could give him an answer. Finally, Biden ran in to Michelle Obama out eating one night. Biden asked, Michelle can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or you sister. Who is it?” Michelle answered right back, “That’s easy, it’s me!” Biden smiled, and said, “Thanks!” Then he went back to speak with Pelosi. “Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Michelle Obama.” Pelosi got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face. “No you idiot! It’s Boris Johnson!” 
Last edited by John Rogers; 14th February 2021 at 18:59.
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#660
14th February 2021, 22:58
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My lips are sealed.
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#663
18th February 2021, 06:51
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Nobody on Shipping History has sufficient influence to be banned from "That Facey Thing" or even the one where you photo your "Privates" and post them to the Web for comment. As Bob would say, "Sophisticated Comment".
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#664
18th February 2021, 11:06
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The very thought of putting a picture of my 'Privates' on the Facey Thing is utterly abhorrent.
(Besides which, as I understand it, they don't make wide angle lenses that big !!) 
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"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#665
18th February 2021, 11:27
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I guess you've decided not to grow old gracefully Bob - Well Done !!
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#666
19th February 2021, 20:42
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A 75-year-old man went to the doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow."
The next day, the 75-year-old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as the previous day. The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains, "Well, Doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then with her left, but nothing." The old man continued, "She even tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with he teeth out, and still nothing. Hell, we even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing." The doctor was shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOUR?" The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the bloody jar open!"
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"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#667
20th February 2021, 10:36
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We have a gadget we bought in M&S many years ago that assists in opening bottles and jars. It has many different jaws and we find it invaluable in the kitchen.
Its use in the bedroom has yet to be tested but I'm sure it would rise to the occasion.
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#668
20th February 2021, 11:35
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If you get this you're showing your age a bit .... (which I suspect applies to pretty much everyone in here ....
)
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"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#669
20th February 2021, 12:14
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Showing our age - never. Much too young for that.
However I may have a daughter who is old enough show similarities to below
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#670
20th February 2021, 12:38
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Quote:
(Doesn't quite sound right. Hasn't got the lilt). Bugger.
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#671
21st February 2021, 04:09
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Quote:
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#672
21st February 2021, 11:44
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When I was a kid we used to use the hinge side of the kitchen door to open reluctant jars and bottles. There were marks all down the door frame to prove it.
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"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#673
21st February 2021, 15:39
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That brings back memories Bob.
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#674
26th February 2021, 12:36
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At the last power station I was at, there was a Sports & Social Club which included a football team made up from members of all departments. The station also boasted a full size pitch in the extensive grounds. It was at least the size of 2 jumbo jets but that's not important right now......
Most weekends, the team played matches against visiting teams from other stations and other local teams. The problem was, at the end of each match, all the players used the locker rooms and bathing facilities used by all staff. To get to these facilities they had to use the staff entrance and walk up a very long corridor, but brought in all the mess off their football boots. Complaints were made and so a notice was put up at the entrance - "FOOTBALL BOOTS MUST BE CARRIED IN THIS CORRIDOR". On arriving late for his shift, one of our crew's excuse was - "I was looking for a pair of football boots to carry down the corridor"! JJ.
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#675
26th February 2021, 21:56
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Quote:
Rgds. Dave
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