virtual crazy gang, part II

[Varley]

Any North Seeking gyroscope or associated course keeping apparatus which is showing a leg is much like a diesel engine showing one. Broken, possibly very or utmostly broken. Urgently - Put a plastico on the wheel and summon a deck orifice wot kno about that goblin on the monkey island with the lodestone in it.

Also 'hangover'. You are not getting in enough practice. The practiced do not get hangovers only early liver failure.

[Engine Serang]

Dear dodgy liver, the gist of my post was that there was No navigators available. Must one bomb an orphanage prior to posting?

[billyboy]

Now then lads, Settle down and prepare for sea. The Agent says to proceed to Sandakan and await instructions. he is negotiating a job for us from there. we sail in one hour.

[Varley]

As to your target E-S, I make no complaint. As to timing, I am unable to fathom the relevance.

[Engine Serang]

Good God don't tell me after Brexit that Droggy is changing his charts back to Fathoms, where a charted depth of 1 metre is approx. 0.54680665 fathoms.
Expect many groundings and I propose we use Bar profits to buy a salvage tug.

[YM-Mundrabilla]

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

Good God don't tell me after Brexit that Droggy is changing his charts back to Fathoms, where a charted depth of 1 metre is approx. 0.54680665 fathoms.
Expect many groundings and I propose we use Bar profits to buy a salvage tug.

A proper tug - not one of those new-fangled, coming and going, rotund, bi-sexual thingys.

[billyboy]

Lovely old tug that is. From the days when tugs looked like tugs.

[Engine Serang]

A lovely old tug that couldn't pull Bruce off Shelia.

[Tmac1720]

'Evening crew type persons, I admit I've been a bit quiet of late but I have been busy invete....invtent....invtente... making some new gear for the injun room. I have installed a FPSO (flatulence powered spinning overdrive) for the whirly thing at the back wot goes round and round and gets us places. I have recruited both ES and Varley to supply the necessary gas power by restricting their diet to Guinness, boiled eggs, baked beans and curry. To ensure contenuit....contuneit... no interruption in supply each has had a flexible supply pipe attached to their stern gland. Of course such a connection restricts movement but as each is confined to the boiler flat and have nowhere else to go the arrangement should suffice for the moment.

The only problem is that at full power my funnel suite reeks of s**t especially when downwind of the ER fiddley. However Sir William is delighted with the modifications as he is saving a small fortune on fuel oil and new shovels for YM-M.

No need to thank me or stand in awe of my brilliance, a pint of Black Bush will suffice.

[Varley]

I have no need of a diet recommendation from wooly and wild of Hibernia to compete at the annual Shitham-on-Pease Flatulentalists Gala but you can tell Sir W that just because it is smelly and not provided by Bunkers-are-us don't mean he don't have to fork out for it.

(Forks are not usually needed for a full stem, anyway. Depends on the pulse content)

And as for your oar of brilliance. Guess where that is getting shoved.

[YM-Mundrabilla]

I will 'stand in awe' as it will be cheaper for me. The YMs and my kids don't call me a 'miserable coot' for nothing.

Even allowing for the duty free, bulk purchase and crew discount on Black Bush that is available aboard the GD I still feel that someone is profiteering on the sale thereof.

[Engine Serang]

Coot???? Shurley a spelling mistake.

[billyboy]

here we are anchored off Sandakan as instructed and now I hear from the agent the jobs fell through.
we are free to lay up or cruise around. Anyone want to visit a port of interest let me know.
its getting boring with no work and our bank balances are suffering.
Need paying jobs urgent.
Mr Varley, will you kindly get on to other agents and see if there is anything going that will swell the coffers.

[billyboy]

Hello Tmac, hear you been busy under the plates again. come along to the crews bar and I will stand you a case of Black bush.

[Varley]

British North Borneo, what, what? Perhaps a clandestine endeavour out of kota kinabalu for HMG (no, we haven't got any such orders but I like the sound of the place).

In another time we had a client from those necks of the jungle - While in the back of a taxi searching for a Halal meal in Saudi Shields I suggested he might approach the boss's PA with an offer of some decimal of a camel "Oh you mean the woman that runs the office? I'd rather not". A pity, perhaps the exchange rate camel/cow was unfavourable.

[Malcolm G]

I think that someone has been nosing around in my cabin.
It may be just a coincidence that TMac revealed his alternative energy source.
I was not going to tell anyone until I had a working model but it seems that ‘someone’ may have misinterpreted the sketches and plans on my drawing board.
Perhaps I should not have captioned it ‘An alternative means of Wind Power for ships’.
The idea is that we install high efficiency cylindrical form wind generators to make electricity.
That electricity would be used to produce hydrogen using electrolysis. I had thought about photoelectrolysis but that needs sunny weather and lots of it.
The hydrogen can be used as a storable fuel. I was sure that our engineering genius would work out how to power the engines with gas, and so it seems…

So Wind? Gas? Pipes ? Not quite the same definitions, just coincidental…

[billyboy]

Yawn....boring swing round the hook waiting for work. what say we lower a boat and have a run ashore? we can get a taxi into town and have a look around. or we can rig the stainless pool bar and lounge around out here. I am open to all suggestions lads.

[Engine Serang]

Second Engineer (me):- Well I'm going ashore for a decent meal.

Chief Cook:- I'm coming with you.

[Varley]

I am not sure if H2 is safe with the approved safe type equipment fitted in view of both paint locker and the existing gastroflatoleum auxiliary fuel that Tmac and his socks generate under what passes for normal circumstances on this mighty V. Talking of socks isn't that another thing along with knocks that we have to stop doing?

They tell us we must stop eating beef as the cows fart holes in the Ausone layer (that is on the shelf below the Rochas) - I haven't so much as heard a bottle clink let alone found a bull in the sake store. When will they get around to the hazards of human flatus - will we be excluded from IMO special areas until we have been colo-explosiometered?

[Engine Serang]

Just home after a long, exhausting but enjoyable day. Feet in a basin of Radox and hand around a tumbler of Black Bush. Just awaiting dinner (the heel of a loaf, irish butter and white pudding filling) and HP Sauce.
IOM must be very boring compared to Belfast.

[billyboy]

IOM...Isle of Men. Tough as old boots. Those guys can cope with anything Including High speed Motorcycles. Strict border control means English, Irish and Scottish are closely checked. any sign of weakness and they get sent away back from whence they came.
Have to admire them really for the way they protect their Island Nation.

[billyboy]

Ah yes the IOM (Isle of Men) Strict disciplinarians, tough and can cope with anything. The Manx border control turn away anyone not up to the grade.

[Engine Serang]

Tough as Chocolate Blancmange. There's more fight in the North Irish Horse than there is in the entire Isle of Mona.
But they will fight like washerwomen to keep the right to facilitate dodgy people stash their ill gotten gains on the island.

Proud to be Manx.

[Varley]

I think the wild Hibernian is conflating the fiscal thrust aimed at establishing a feline economy in his revolutionary state with that of this azure set jewel. 15% here (or it will be shortly), what of your 12.5%.

I take it the capitalisation indicates that you refer to HM's Yeomanry stationed somewhat to your North and not the nutritional, if not gourmet, native dish common on the tables around the Curragh (customarily taken of a Sunday and garnished with seasonal pomme du jour and unYorkshire batter pudding).

(Manx Pride! Dear Turing, did everyone pick that up?)

[Engine Serang]

Dear Turing has me and Mr Google perplexed. Many Megabytes used up.