virtual crazy gang, part II

[Varley]

CCTV? Now I know where the turning gear motor got to. We have moved on even from the Image Orthicon let alone from John Logie's spinning discs.

Once we get Tmac set up with a Sterntube channel I'll get the motor back. Better take a few turns out that way before we try air. Mindez-vous (je faits le practicing de frogaise dans le espere de voiring belle-soeur dans Juli) I suspect our loyal readers might think she runs on air anyway. The hot kind.

[Engine Serang]

Firstly all vermin will be caged from 23.00 to 8.00
Gash bins will not conform to MLC but will be "V" and "Non V", to reduce the rats food bill.
Beer will be supped from glasses, drinking from bottles is for corner boys.
Ulster Fry's will be served on Sunday mornings and on 12 July, No exceptions.
Female visitors will not be rogered in the Steering Flat.
A happy ship is a deficient ship.

[billyboy]

copy that Skipper. looks like we could be on to a good prowl round the oceans again. well done.

[Varley]

Who is our security officer? I'd like a little more attention paid to ISPS please. I woke this morning to three unauthorised persons onboard and on my deck this morning. Two escaped before the boys (and a girl) in blue arrived. One had locked himself in my playroom. I jammed the lock to prevent his escape while completing my 999 call. Big blue-boy used his key to open the door (two size 14s, back against the back wall, several attempts) only to find miscreant had fled by forcing window and jumping from roof.

Somewhat ashamed to report that nothing of the several nickworthy stuff in open sight seemed to offer any attraction to the little faecalites as nothing seems to have been stolen. The jam of the forced door jam isn't half a mess.

Late roughage, no doubt my digestion will be irregular for days.

[billyboy]

sorry to hear that Mr Varley. I am sending Cut-Out number 10 to keep watch on ther Varley estate.

[Varley]

Obliged, Sir W. For security or bowels?

(it turns out my tenant caught two 'high as kites' sitting in the garden on her way to work - description doesn't match the two of the (at least) three that I saw. I'm not sure I mind innocent enjoyment, I suppose no one is polite enough to ask these days because they will so often be refused.

(Is any aprticular Yard traditional for hanging? If so, do we have one?)

[billyboy]

yard arm can be rigged by the touch of a button on the bridge Mr Varley.

[Varley]

Jolly good. However I am not sure its use will be allowed. On one occasion, when the ragged regretfully-born were throwing rocks at the neighbours green and other outhouses from a disputed lane, I asked the boys in blue to come and put down poison. The only comfort I got from their answer was the addition of "anymore" to their "I am sorry we don't do that".

[rustytrawler]

Eyup Varley, Do you want me and the boys from ull to come over and sort it once and for all, are they the motorbiking type over to watch the crashes? it will not take us long to scrag the bastards.

[Varley]

That's neighbourly of you Rusty but if you just send the adult friendly poison. With McMmuckBurgers opposite I have an abundance of bait.

(Not that you wouldn't be welcome but I wouldn't want to put you out).

[Tmac1720]

Sorry to hear about your interloper troubles, copious supplies of "shit kicker" boots have been immediately dispatched complete with "bolt through the neck" brigade volunteers to ensure no further incursions will be tolerated.

If the "shit kicking" fails to have the desired effect phase two will be put into effect viz: "do you not want your knees anymore?" or the ultimate "what size do you take in a hood?"

Bastards should be keel hauled Is flogging no longer an option on the IoM?

[rustytrawler]

My grandma got burgled around 1960s they took two halfcrowns off the mantelpiece, broke her heart and never forgot that day she told me about it loads of times, but i said it's your fault you never lock the door......Hope you soon get sorted rgds rustytrawler. The money they stole was me and my brother's pocket money. boo hoo. She put the money on that mantelpiece every week never missed.

[Malcolm G]

Happy Birthday Billyboy!

[billyboy]

Thank you Malcom G. Had a great day. Japanese meal thrown in. Not doing too bad for an 82 year old ha ha

[billyboy]

Ahj there you are Steward. Kindly inform Mr Varley that I have unearthed a case of rare vintage port and in the freezer i got a old vintage cheese if he would care to join me in my suite. Oh and if you come across the skipper see if you can find out where we are headed. theres a good chap.

[Varley]

Appreciated Sir W. I'll be with you shortly. I may well have to arrive without a tincture of the more favoured Tawny as when I last sounded the cellar it was empty and the one opened bottle is about to lose suction.

I am not sure that the freezer will improve the cheese either (not goat I trust). The Christmas Baby Stilton (she wot wasn't but occasionally ate due covid cancellation of Christmas feast) is looking a little off colour but happenstancialy M'Lady is expected to call soon with a fresher half cheese left over from her TT visitors and Red Arrows party of Saturday passed. Shows she hasn't visited her home turf recently as she usually only serves Cashel blue (also V much to my taste but without rind which I need to make 'Stilton curls' - a moreish tab nab made by sprinkling the powdered rind onto puff pastry in a sort of Swiss-roll fashion).

As to where bound, I understand that Nocontrol have upgraded the ECDIS to AI. The printout has several destination ports all named Mulberry, when queried it responds that that the only other Artificial Island it can locate is an almost match, Tracy Island which it understands is not only artificial but also fictional. So its passage plan is for Normandy.

Presently, though, there is a problem with the communications between the ECDIS and the Anschutz Steering stand and we aren't going anywhere at present.

The latter thinks that Normandy is a diversion and insists we should be making for Calais.

[billyboy]

Calais! thats where i drank many bottles of onion water they called beer. the hypermarket is worth a look though.

[billyboy]

Anyone seen the Skipper around? still waiting for him to give the orders.
Cut outs and plastic stewards are all Horizontal for several days now. Feels like I am aboard alone.
Think I will book a nice long vacation somewhere nice... perhaps even lay her up somewhere....I need a drink Stewards

[Engine Serang]

I'm working on a Passage Plan to Monaco for the Grand Prix, and talking about pricks where is the sextant and Norrie Tables?
Our Noble Lord is frigging about with the Anschutz (sounds like something from a Tiger Tank) and getting nowhere. The chandler is bringing down a Tom Tom from Halfords, it has a busty blond with a husky voice built in, or so I'm told.
Why does our bulk Fonseca Tank taste of Palm Oil?
TK max is organising our Postal Votes, just tell him which Constituency and how many votes you want. (an old NI tradition).
Tally Ho.

[rustytrawler]

After watching the pricks go round and round we could find some wet paint and watch it dry. Ihave just been watching postman pat goes dogging on youtube.

[Varley]

As long as we use the GPS for the heading reference the ECDIS will manage without the gyro - we just have to be careful that the GPS isn't jammed or spoofed as that would make a marmalade of any planned passage - especially one put in by a plumber.

As for the port tank - with the tree-huggers railing against palm oil perhaps some cad has tried smuggling in it - like cocaine dissolved in petrol.

Perhaps our postprandials are not completely ruined. Does anyone know if Alfa Laval do a gravity disk suitable for separating out the tawny with one of those spin drier things in which Tmac and ES are always losing seals (a wonder WWF isn't after us for that)?

As a last resort I expect cook can fins a way of preparing Nasi goreng with palm oil - the tang of tawny may go well with the peanut sauce.

I suppose it could have been the international moratorium on Fun using palm oil to spike the elixir of after dinner life so we don't take so much.

[Engine Serang]

The Nasi Goreng smells like a Bank Line cadets boilersuit, god alone knows what it tastes like, the "Chef" refuses to sample it.
Its a long time since I ventured into the black hole but I have a vague recollection that gravity discs met a similar fate to vinyl discs. But accepting water has an sg of 1 and gas oil has an sg of 0.85 and extrapolating for palm oil we have about 0.7825. QED

Where was I, yes the Norrie Tables are bloody boring as readable as Magna Carta so I have engaged Capt Alexander Smollett for the voyage, he is a cousin of JW Norrie so we are in safe hands. As for marmalade forget Seville and make do with Little Chip.

[Varley]

Mine tasted alright. Are you sure that your fried egg was fresh? (-ish).

Very thoughtful of Bank Line to provide their cadets with palm oil, lolly sticks as well?

[tweediekiwi]

Talking of Eggs ...
https://eggs.org.nz/
... some recipes, if your eggs are fresh that is.

[Engine Serang]

Well bugger me, I thought it was only sheep NZ was full off, I must add hens to that list.

To give the NZ Egg Marketing Board some good news Lord Varley has Egg-Nog for brekky after a night on the toot.