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#1276
15th July 2022, 09:33
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Sounds bizarre this I know but I saw a party of ramblers yesterday, being led by a man on stilts, wearing a crown & barking orders.
When I asked who he was they replied, “He's our high king coach.
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Ron __________________________________________________ _________________________ Never regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. Don't worry about old age - it doesn't last. 
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#1277
15th July 2022, 09:50
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Quote:
(Dream on Bob.) 
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"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#1278
15th July 2022, 21:55
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I vote to lobotomize Mr. Stringer! He really has reached depths that no other human can! But, then again, he is a Sparkie - Maybe he isn't human? Most Sparkies weren't, I am sure they were infiltrated by the Men in Black!
Tee-Hee! Dave
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#1279
15th July 2022, 22:43
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Or too many Volts and Jolts Dave.
 
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#1281
16th July 2022, 07:20
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But the old bare fingers job never fails to detect .... (well, for the first time anyway.)
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"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#1282
16th July 2022, 10:08
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It is usually ascribed to morse code. It can't be bare finger detection, until one graduates to electrician the voltages risked are too low. Anyway it can't be that either as there's nothing wrong with MEeeeeeeeeeeee!
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David V Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right It is the duty of the wealthy man To give employment to the artisan
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#1283
16th July 2022, 11:48
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Came across a street fight in town last night when suddenly, a low loader lorry arrived at the scene with a small group of trees on the back.
I thought, “Eh up, someone must have called the copse.”
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Ron __________________________________________________ _________________________ Never regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. Don't worry about old age - it doesn't last.
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#1284
16th July 2022, 12:41
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Quote:
Ahhh sod it I didn't want to do it anyway. There will be the sound of a beer can opening instead .. (close enough for government work.) 
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#1285
18th July 2022, 09:05
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My daft mate plays in a brass band and heard that toothpaste is good for cleaning the instruments.
He phoned me and said “Ron, do you know where I can get a decent tuba toothpaste from?”
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Ron __________________________________________________ _________________________ Never regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. Don't worry about old age - it doesn't last.
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#1286
19th July 2022, 09:39
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My mates’s not had much luck this week & everything he touches seems to go wrong.
Yesterday he paid a joiner up front to make a king-sized bed and he's gone and done a bunk. He said, “Honestly, it's just one thing on top of another.”
__________________
Ron __________________________________________________ _________________________ Never regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. Don't worry about old age - it doesn't last.
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#1287
19th July 2022, 10:02
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Jesus lads, are youse making these up or stealing them from the Bob Monkhouse book of shitty jokes.
Delete Bob Monkhouse and insert Dave Allen, negative Catholic Priest. Last edited by Engine Serang; 19th July 2022 at 10:04. Reason: Feeling sorry for Ron.
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#1288
19th July 2022, 22:35
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Some sound just like Tommy Cooper. Not like that, like that, Hahhaaha......
__________________
"You do not ask a tame seagull why it needs to disappear from time to time towards the open sea. It goes. That's all." Bernard Moitessier.
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#1289
19th July 2022, 22:38
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At the Olympics, Greece entered some canoeists in the slalom event. One of them accidently overturned and lost his paddle. He struggled upright, shook the water out of his ears, and was encouraged to carry on using his hands when he heard the crowd chanting,
"Up the Greek without a paddle....."
__________________
"You do not ask a tame seagull why it needs to disappear from time to time towards the open sea. It goes. That's all." Bernard Moitessier.
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#1290
21st July 2022, 21:33
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Alternatives…
https://youtu.be/xt0V0_1MS0Q
__________________
The Mad Landsman
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#1291
21st July 2022, 22:05
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Note - Mods: This I found on a Youtube video of non-PC advertisments from the past. If you think it is unsuitable, please take it down. It not only evoked a titter and a snigger from me, but also various guffaws:
Rgds. Dave
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#1292
21st July 2022, 22:47
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Bring on the Kippers.
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#1293
21st July 2022, 22:47
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It's not You-Tubing for me. But I'll take advice and stop using Lifebuoy in/on my mimsy, which I think is near my, near my.......... What do you mean I'm disqualified? I have declared that I have a mimsy and therefore I have one , just ask that Mordaunt chap.
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#1295
22nd July 2022, 03:29
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Dave did you read the captions under the small photos.
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#1296
22nd July 2022, 09:14
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Yesterday I was driving down a lane near here when my car was suddenly covered in sour cream and chives. What a mess!
I must have missed the sign for a hidden dip in the road.
__________________
Ron __________________________________________________ _________________________ Never regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. Don't worry about old age - it doesn't last.
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#1298
22nd July 2022, 17:22
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Quote:
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#1300
22nd July 2022, 18:49
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Quote:
Go and and wash your mouth out with Lux and then sit in the corner.  
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