virtual crazy gang, part II

[Tmac1720]

Originally Posted by Varley

(Actually I understand there are some used inflatables under the funnel suite bunk. Don't even think there still good for a short time).

Hoi you leave my "inflatables" alone young man, the puncture repair solution hasn't set yet The guy in the shop was of no help I took my inflatable back to him and complained that it went down on me.... all he said was " If I'd known it did that I'd have charged you more"

So I just walked away and left him lying there sporting a large dent in his skull from my flogging spanner (which I keep handy down the leg of my boiler suit just for such occasions )

[billyboy]

Flogging spanner = A large device for cracking nuts undone..see I still remember my workshop practise lesons.

[billyboy]

Originally Posted by Tmac1720

Hoi you leave my "inflatables" alone young man, the puncture repair solution hasn't set yet The guy in the shop was of no help I took my inflatable back to him and complained that it went down on me.... all he said was " If I'd known it did that I'd have charged you more"

So I just walked away and left him lying there sporting a large dent in his skull from my flogging spanner (which I keep handy down the leg of my boiler suit just for such occasions )

had one but it was a male....guy in the shop said I had it inside out

[Varley]

I think the plasticos are quite relieved at that news. They thought it had something to do with preparing for an amorous assault on a donkey.

(A jenny, of course, nothing wrong with our Tmac)

[Farmer John]

I have just been informed that our contact has arranged for us to go alongside on Thursday to load our cargo.

Meantime, anyone fancy a quick trip ashore? We have our tender working and not sunk, fueled up and ready to take a party ashore for a little bird-watching and leg stretching and anything in between.

[billyboy]

count me in on that Farmer John. Love a run ashore.

[billyboy]

Time the deckie types honored your efforts Tmac.

[Tmac1720]

Never gonna happen Sire, who could break the habit of a life time.... anyhoo that depicts just a typical day down in the pit.... even as far as the tea....

[Farmer John]

Originally Posted by Tmac1720

Never gonna happen Sire, who could break the habit of a life time.... anyhoo that depicts just a typical day down in the pit.... even as far as the tea....

Are all those dials connected to the BlackBush system?

[Tmac1720]

weeeeeeeelllll I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you suffice to say I'm connected to the Black Bush system

[Varley]

Originally Posted by billyboy

Time the deckie types honored your efforts Tmac.

Them's not just for the decoratives. Them's to show the gubbins is gubbinsing.

(Are you sure about squeak. My spollchucker wants that to be gibbons)?

[Farmer John]

Well I hope you all had a good run ashore, it was very sporting of Varley to tow the boat back by imitating a porpoise, with the bow-line in his teeth.

Standby to enter the port: Tmac, you I know to be ready, cutouts raise the anchor, dead slow ahead to take the strain off, and we are away. I fancy nuzzling up to Leda, we will fit in there somewhere, bodge about a bit and make room.

Well that was simple, all alongside and moored fast (you appreciate that the movement log can be filled in later when things have calmed down a bit. Just make sure that "finished with engines" is on a multiple of 6 minutes, makes the maths easier).

Right, bucket of water and spin the old floaty thing and then we have to work out where to put 1,500 tonnes of sparkly stuff. Don't worry, it won't go in the No 1 hatch, anyone else got any preferences?

[Farmer John]

Oh, and if anyone asks, we are currently disguised as a dirty British Coaster with a salt-caked smokestack, just a bit lost. Just show them this pile of cheap tin trays.

[Tmac1720]

Originally Posted by Farmer John

Oh, and if anyone asks, we are currently disguised as a dirty British Coaster with a salt-caked smokestack, just a bit lost. Just show them this pile of cheap tin trays.

Ummm I hate to disillusion you old chap but we always look like that

[Farmer John]

Tmac, I know, you know, we all know. There is no more effective disguise than being a tree in a wood. It is only when you enter the accommodation that you see the sumptuous glory of the beautiful ship we live on. Looks even better than Trump's exquisite suite. See Sir William seated on that well-stuffed lion, it thought it was going to stud, poor wee bugger.

[Tmac1720]

If you think the accommodation is good wait until you see the funnel suite.... injuneers only ME of course... and the occasional nubile maiden

You should have seen the look of surprise on that lions face as Sir Billy stuffed and mounted it

[Farmer John]

Tmac, I am an ignorant person, is "nubile" some form of vulcanized rubber? Don't tell anyone that I don't know.

[Varley]

More a jointing compound I believe.

[billyboy]

Originally Posted by Tmac1720

If you think the accommodation is good wait until you see the funnel suite.... injuneers only ME of course... and the occasional nubile maiden

You should have seen the look of surprise on that lions face as Sir Billy stuffed and mounted it

Stuff whatevers going me Tmac ha ha

[billyboy]

Must admit though, That Kangeroo in Aus almost had me beat till it started going downhill ha ha

[Tmac1720]

I know a guy who crossed a sheep with a kangaroo... he got a woolly jumper.... I'll just get my coat and retreat under the floor plates

[Farmer John]

All the little sacks of Rutile have been handballed on board and stowed in every orifice and interstice tht it can be fitted into, we have a very neat stow, the trim is right (woe betide anyone who pee'd in the bucket of "fresh water" used to calculate the specific gravity of the stuff what we are in compared with what we have to go and float on.)

Richard's Bay has been good to us, and I hope we have been good to Richard's bay, the reaping of any crop we may have sown (life or health can be passed on). We seem to have had very little in the way of shenanigans reported on here, are you lot just getting more secrective or less active?

Single up all moorings, Tmac, press the start button or whatever you chaps do (I do hope it is not a kick-starter, though if it is the phrase "probably the best kickstarter" comes to mind, not the kind of thing you got where the bonnet was raised and the boot was applied inside the engine bay, was that the Reliant?)

Raise the gangway (ensure no-one is standing on it) let slip the moorings and we will reverse out, do a three point turn, and off we go. Give the pilot a bottle of the rubbing alcohol that is labelled "Botanical flavoured Gin" and send him home with a whistle in his step and a gleam in his trousers, or perhaps the other way round.

I have to go, the Shipping Forecast has just started and I want to sing along. They just said "Plymouth, very poor", they really are on top of things.

We are off to Cincinecticut, I think, I miss Tom to chat to. Hope you are well.

All hands to the paddles, we are slow running until the rest of the crew are exhausted (perhaps they already are).

[billyboy]

Hear the gentle purr of our finely tuned Engines as we cruise t a leisurely 15 knots. that low whine of the turbo's is music to my ears. Feel the deck as she rises to meet the swell, and the surge as she glides into the trough.

Life is good eh! ....Full English please Steward!

[Tom Alexander]

Originally Posted by Farmer John

We are off to Cincinecticut, I think, I miss Tom to chat to. Hope you are well..

Thank you Farmer John. Well enough. Had a good approx 1800 mile road trip with only moderate glitches. Poor wife however is suffering from bone on bone in right hip - in absolute agony most of the time and for the last week or so since we have been back it's been another round of medical appointments of one kind or another.

Me - I've just got degenerative disc disease with accompoanying sciatica - can be a real pain in the rrrs, literally. Can still function with OTC meds.

I see you gentlemen and Tmac have been doing well during my stay away, and seeing as I am somewhat knackered, with Sir William's permission, I would prefer to let you all do the day to day business of the ship, while I simply sample the chartroom rum supply occasionally (just for quality control purposes, of course) and perform the odd vessel inspection to ensure all is running to perfection. My first proposed job is to get the cutouts to move an air mattress from place to placearound the decks so I can lay down and inspect the winch beds for rust, and or leakage.

To celebrate my return, I would, however, like to invite all to the pax lounge for a few rounds on my tab - catch up on the latest.

[Farmer John]

Tom, you will be transported around the ship on a luxurious cloud, like the first 3 drinks of booze combined with the Mekon's little green platform.

Bad hips are a torture, our next door neighbour was offered a replacement in the airy future broke hers when she capsized her electric wheelchair while racing for pink slips in the supermarket, the replacement is coming good now.

A quick 4 Bells in the chart room from time to time and some quiet advice when things look like going a bit wrong would be very welcome, I am sure Sir William would be reassured to know that we won't be going up the pyramid again.

A few rounds in the Pax lounge? I don't mind if I do. Plaggy stewards, set out some heavyweight horses doofers and break out the Champagne for all who apply in person, no more than 2 bottles per glass. The idea that a champagne glass should be the model for the perfect ladies breast has rather gone the way of the dodo, seems more like a bucket to water a horse is our preferred measure.

Did we tell you about the near loss of the Owner's barge? Damn, that horse can swim. Also, we had a little trouble with anchors not holding too well. Tied one of the Panama mules on and sent it over the side, never moved after that.

Keep an eye on us Tom, that is all I need.