virtual crazy gang, part II

[billyboy]

Originally Posted by Dartskipper

You mean we don't have a Philips World Atlas for Schools on board?

Nah...he left it aboard the Girl Pat Dartskipper...LOL

[Tom Alexander]

We are approaching our immediate destination. I have just received a coded message on Facebook to "Duck the fog off Block 20's" That translates into when 20 nautical miles due South of Block Island we are to take all the way off the vessel and display two all round red lights in a verticle line to show we are a power driven vessel not under command and not making way through the water. Having been called a twit by the sender, I went to Twitter and found they are sending a boomer sub to rendezvous with us to offload the rutile into the hold formed by stripping out the balistic missile tubes. In addition they will have an AWACS Boeing E-3 Sentry in attendance with two F18s to make sure all goes according to Hoile. When made fast alongside the boomer, a man in a black suit with dark sunglasses will provide us with a brown envelope with a substantial amount of cash, and a voucher for a week's free moorage in Nassau, Bahamas, and free passes for all crew to attend the casinos on Paradise Island.

That is a relief as I think it will be pissing down with rain in Groton proper due to the outside edge of Nate making it's way North from Louisiana and Mississippi.

I said that we would be in full compliance if they brought out 20 large full load fresh pizzas at no charge. (Just the thought makes me thirsty)

[Farmer John]

Originally Posted by billyboy

Come on squeak we are off down the tunnel to check the Pedestal shaft gearings and apply suitable lubrication fluid.

You know, I have always thought it odd to retain the worlds only rotating and elevating chain-driven lavatory apart from the one mentioned in Puckoon. Can you check the left pedal strap, it would be awful if your foot slipped at a critical moment.

[billyboy]

at a cuciasl moment? ... id that happened you would be right in it Farmer John heh heh. Yes I will investigate it.

[Tmac1720]

QUIET !!!!!!!!!!! For God's sake people are trying to sleep here and you lot are stomping about with your hob nailed sh1t kickers....Grrrrrrrr... If the heads are U/S then crap over the rail there is a BIG ocean out there but do it QUIETLY !!!!!

(groan.... feebly reaches for medicinal pint of Black Bush)

[billyboy]

Just been up to the funnel suite, Poor chaps really under the weather. Hope he gets well soon as I am running out of bribery cheese fo Squeak.

[Dartskipper]

Originally Posted by billyboy

Nah...he left it aboard the Girl Pat Dartskipper...LOL

Oh good. That means the plastic platoon won't be cutting out all the countries coloured pink to decorate their quarters!

[Farmer John]

Originally Posted by Tom Alexander

We are approaching our immediate destination. I have just received a coded message on Facebook to "Duck the fog off Block 20's"

Tom, no-one does that to the ship's dog, even for that amount of money.

Just read it again, sorry about that. Two Red lights it is. This is so exciting, let's get the sacks from the interstices and crevices they got stowed in. The signal is the one we usually use when Varley has held a Gripetini tasting evening, so not difficult to do.

Looking forward to the Pizzas as well.

[Red-17]

Originally Posted by Farmer John

Tom, no-one does that to the ship's dog, even for that amount of money.

Just read it again, sorry about that. Two Red lights it is. This is so exciting, let's get the sacks from the interstices and crevices they got stowed in. The signal is the one we usually use when Varley has held a Gripetini tasting evening, so not difficult to do.

Looking forward to the Pizzas as well.

I needed a good laugh to start the day and whilst I was tittering over the previous messages this last one really made me laugh. Thank you to all concerned and esp. Farmer John.

Tell me, is Varley still on Gripeatini? Tsk, Tsk, poor man.

[billyboy]

Hi Red 17. PAX bar now open if you fancy a drink. Squeak is standing by below so I am free for a few minutes. Poor old Tmac is resting in the funnel suite till he feels better. Maybe a change in Meds?...what do you recommend?

[Tom Alexander]

Originally Posted by Red-17

I needed a good laugh to start the day and whilst I was tittering over the previous messages this last one really made me laugh.

Reminds me of the newly formed African nation where the president invited an English reporter to confirm that he had modeled his new country after the English system. All this done, simply from newspaper reports that he had read.

After inviting the reporter to the National parliament, the National defense locations, the hospitals and sports arenas, the reporter duly noted that all the systems in place were modeled exactly on the English way of doing things.

The final part of the tour was to a local court proceding. All the official participants were clothed in the proper wigs and gowns, the court reporter was in place so the trial at hand could proceed. Everything was exactly after the English system except that every once in awhile a door at the side opened and a man ran through the spectator gallery grabbing randomly selected women by the breasts.

At the conclusion, the president asked the reporter what he thought of the accomplishments by following news articles in the British press.

The reporter confided that everything, indeed, was exactly as represented in the press, except for the man in the court grabbing wimen by the breasts.

The president replied by producing a newspaper article where it described a particular case where it was definitely reported that from time to time a titter ran through the crowd.

[billyboy]

Originally Posted by Tom Alexander

Reminds me of the newly formed African nation where the president invited an English reporter to confirm that he had modeled his new country after the English system. All this done, simply from newspaper reports that he had read.

After inviting the reporter to the National parliament, the National defense locations, the hospitals and sports arenas, the reporter duly noted that all the systems in place were modeled exactly on the English way of doing things.

The final part of the tour was to a local court proceding. All the official participants were clothed in the proper wigs and gowns, the court reporter was in place so the trial at hand could proceed. Everything was exactly after the English system except that every once in awhile a door at the side opened and a man ran through the spectator gallery grabbing randomly selected women by the breasts.

At the conclusion, the president asked the reporter what he thought of the accomplishments by following news articles in the British press.

The reporter confided that everything, indeed, was exactly as represented in the press, except for the man in the court grabbing wimen by the breasts.

The president replied by producing a newspaper article where it described a particular case where it was definitely reported that from time to time a titter ran through the crowd.

[Dartskipper]

Nice to see Tom keeping the crew abreast of the newspapers.......

[Dartskipper]

Originally Posted by Farmer John

Just checked the paperwork, Groton Connectitup is where we are going. I will dig out some charts. The Readers Digest Atlas will start.

Grottytown Connectitup eh? Better pop along to Norwalk to Stew Leonard's to lay in some supplies of fresh cheese for Squeek, since he has been performing his duties above and beyond his usual level of achievement.

http://www.stewleonards.com/stews-locations/norwalk/

I remember visiting the store back in the late 1970's, it seems to have grown since then.

[Tom Alexander]

Weather nice and calm for our rendezvous -- Farmer John and Dart Skipper -- perhaps you would be so kind as to organise the cutouts to rig our largest fenders and stand by to receive the sub's mooring lines.

Stop engines and drift until no way on.

We should be fine as long as the Yanks don't mistake our "Not under command" signal for a two storey cathouse.

Will probably need to rig a dead-man derrick set up to offload the pallets.

The man in the black suit wants us to rig the accomodation ladder -- he doesn't want to take a chance on our pilot ladder. Good idea, too as we wouldn't want him to drop the pizza.

[billyboy]

Originally Posted by Tom Alexander

Weather nice and calm for our rendezvous -- Farmer John and Dart Skipper -- perhaps you would be so kind as to organise the cutouts to rig our largest fenders and stand by to receive the sub's mooring lines.

Stop engines and drift until no way on.

We should be fine as long as the Yanks don't mistake our "Not under command" signal for a two storey cathouse.

Will probably need to rig a dead-man derrick set up to offload the pallets.

The man in the black suit wants us to rig the accomodation ladder -- he doesn't want to take a chance on our pilot ladder. Good idea, too as we wouldn't want him to drop the pizza.

No need for that Tom. Our drybaulik crane will be ok. Jib will extend far enough for that job.

[Farmer John]

Originally Posted by Tom Alexander

Weather nice and calm for our rendezvous -- Farmer John and Dart Skipper -- perhaps you would be so kind as to organise the cutouts to rig our largest fenders and stand by to receive the sub's mooring lines.

Stop engines and drift until no way on.

We should be fine as long as the Yanks don't mistake our "Not under command" signal for a two storey cathouse.

Fine and dandy, Tom, we haven't a fire lit at the moment so the fenders are available.

As for the GD being mistaken for a 2 storey cat-house, I have arranged for someone else to open a floating 2 storey cat-house in virtually the same area so we shouldn't be bothered.

Cutouts, Rig for unloading from a vessel coming alongside, put out all the fenders except the very fancy brass one, don't want that bent, and if anyone attempts to drop off any pussies for boarding, the address is the one just down the road.

And now we wait.

[billyboy]

Hold the fort Squeak. I have to go up top and handle the drybaulic crane. cant have the deck department damaging it.

Ah good, the cut outs have the slings ready.
And, here comes the Sub too!...all going like clockwork.

[Red-17]

Originally Posted by billyboy

Hi Red 17. PAX bar now open if you fancy a drink. Squeak is standing by below so I am free for a few minutes. Poor old Tmac is resting in the funnel suite till he feels better. Maybe a change in Meds?...what do you recommend?

I recommend that Tmac gets out and about a bit more. He spends too much time in the stale air of the engine room. He needs to have sun baths in the fresh sea air on deck. If we could rig up a small swimming pool it would be beneficial for him to swim once a day. Sun baths, fresh sea air and gentle exercise should see him return to fitness in no time. Some meaningful contact with other crew members would also be beneficial, however, I'm not sure if Tmac does 'meaningful'.

[billyboy]

He has been known to do "Meaningful" when he has a shifter in his hand...

We do however have a pool already, Aft end of the boat deck and next to our hanger deck. Perhapf someone (like a plastic steward were to let on to him that our female crew members were skinny dipping in it he might just come out of his suite to take a look.....and splash! But I did not suggest that!! just heard it mentioned by a cutout.

[Tom Alexander]

Originally Posted by Farmer John

Fine and dandy, Tom, we haven't a fire lit at the moment so the fenders are available.

Reminds me of the teacher who asked little Johnny to stand and form a sentence using the words "depot", "delight" and "defender".

Little Johnny stood and proudly proclaimed loudly; "de poe was full, de light was out, so I did it in de fender!"

[Tom Alexander]

Originally Posted by billyboy

He has been known to do "Meaningful" when he has a shifter in his hand...

We do however have a pool already, Aft end of the boat deck and next to our hanger deck. Perhapf someone (like a plastic steward were to let on to him that our female crew members were skinny dipping in it he might just come out of his suite to take a look.....and splash! But I did not suggest that!! just heard it mentioned by a cutout.

If we coerce Tmac into the pool we'll have to add a degreaser to the water and use an oil skimming device on the surface. Perhaps we could just install a private hot tub for him on his Funnel Suite patio. (Pass along the same info re the skinny dippers?)

[Red-17]

Oh Tom, if we install a hot tub in his suite that means he doesn't have to come up on deck. He needs to be encouraged out on deck, remember, fresh air and sun baths as well as a gentle swim. I'm sure one of the plastic stewards could give him a good wash down with a degreaser before he takes a swim. Would that work?

[Farmer John]

Ah the sweet smell of success and Pizza. Job jobbed, Pizza all round, all drinks on the ship in recognition of a good job well down. Then we are off to Nassau, but be damned if I am going to a casino, they make money from us not the other way round and watching yourself being robbed is poor entertainment.


Champagne for all!

Red 17, don't worry about Tmac, we just roll him in paper towels once a year, after coating him in Swarfega, we have told him it is a birthday tradition.

[billyboy]

Crane secured. time for a quick beer before heading back down the Pit.