Humour the best of medicine

[Varley]

If he is not on bitter at that age then you are a failure as a plate-based chip provider.

(I'll not be bidding, I've no chimney that big).

[Malcolm G]

Something nautical from Garry Larson.

[Malcolm G]

One for the WAFUs

[Varley]

Only been up twice. Twice too many.

[Engine Serang]

I've flown many times but never for pleasure. Even the big boys strike me as being terribly flimsy.

[Dartskipper]

All aviators must remember the golden rule.

Take-offs are optional. Landings are compulsory.

And if you don't think that the whirly thing at the front isn't just a fan to keep the pilot cool, watch him sweat when it stops at 5,000 feet.

[YM-Mundrabilla]

Flying is an uncivilised means of transport but an unfortunate necessity between Oz and everywhere else.
On land, rail is still a pleasant way to go.

[al1934]

Even so, it is sometimes best to go by walk, as the Italians wisely put it.

[Dartskipper]

Or "Shank's Pony", my Dad always said. (Or was it "Shanks's Pony?)

[Malcolm G]

It's Shanks' (or Shanks's) assuming that you have two legs, for a one legged man it would probably be Shank's, perhaps.

Originally Scottish - Shanks nag.

[John Rogers]

Lost count of the many hours of flying in fixed wing and choppers, did it for a living for many years.
I shy away from small aircraft now because I don't know who is doing the maintenance on them.

[Malcolm G]

On the same topic, I found this one…

[John Rogers]

To All Aviators.
Phuh Khen (pronounced Foo Keen) 1169-???? is considered by some to be the most under recognized military officer in history. Many have never heard of his contributions to modern military warfare. The mission of this secret society is to bring honor to the name of Phuh Khen. A `Khen' was a subordinate to a `Khan' (pronounced Konn) in the military structure of the Mongol Hoards. Khan is Turkish for Leader.
Most know of the great Genghis Khan, but little has been written of his chain of command. Khen is also of Turkish origin. Although there is not a word in English that adequately conveys the meaning. Roughly translated, it means, `One who will do the impossible, while appearing unprepared, and complaining constantly.' Phuh Khen was one of ten Khens that headed the divisions, or group of hoards, as they were known, of the Mongol Army serving under Genghis Khan.
His abilities came to light during the Mongol's raids on the Turkestan city of Turkestanis. Bohicans were fierce warriors and the city was well fortified. The entire city was protected by huge walls and the hoards were at a standoff with the Bohicans. Bohicaroo was well stocked and it would be difficult to wait them out. Genghis Khan assembled his Khens and ordered each of them to develop a plan for penetrating the defenses of Bohicaroo.
Operation Achieve Victory (AV) was born. All 10 divisions of Khens submitted their plan. After reviewing AV plans 1 thru 7 and finding them all unworkable or ridiculous, Genghis Khan was understandably upset. It was with much perspiration that Phuh Khen submitted his idea, which came to be known as AV 8. Upon seeing AV 8, Genghis was convinced this was the perfect plan and gave his immediate approval. The plan was beautifully simple. Phuh Khen would arm his hoards to the teeth, load them into cat apults, and hurl them over the wall. The losses were expected to be high, but hey, hoards were cheap.
Those that survived the flight would engage the enemy in combat. Those that did not? Well, surely their flailing bodies would cause some damage. The plan worked and the Bohicans were defeated. From that day on, whenever the Mongol Army encountered an surmountable enemy, Genghis Khan would give the order, "Send some of Phuh Khen's AV 8ers". This is believed, though not by anyone outside our secret society, to be the true origin of the term Aviator (AV 8er).
Phu Khen's AV 8ers were understandably an unruly mob, not likely to be socially acceptable. Many were heavy drinkers and insomniacs. But when nothing else would do, you could always count on an AV 8er . Phu Khen Aviator. Denied, perhaps rightfully so, his place in history, Phu Khen has been, none the less, immortalized in prose. As the great poet Norman Lear never once said : "There once was a man named Phuh Khen, whose breakfast was whiskey and gin, when e'er he'd fly, he'd give a mighty war cry, bend over, here it comes again."
Consider it an honor to be a Phu Khen Aviator. Wear the mantle proudly, but speak of it cautiously. It is not always popular to be one of us. You hear mystical references, often hushed whispers, to `those Phuh Khen Aviators'. Do not let these things bother you. As with any secret society, we go largely misunderstood, prohibited by our apathy, from explaining ourselves. You are expected to always live down to the reputation of the Phuh Khen Aviator. A reputation cultivated for centuries, undaunted by scorn or ridicule, unhindered by progress. So drink up, be crude, sleep late, urinate in public, and get the job done. When others are offended, you can revel in the knowledge that you are truly a PHUH KHEN AVIATOR.

[Malcolm G]

I recon that deserves a Shaggy Dog award.

[John Rogers]

It was written by an old army friend Lucky Pierre who died last year at the age of 85. Lucky Pierre was shot down eight times in Vietnam. He was a Helicopter Gunship Pilot.

[rustytrawler]

I see that varley has had promotion to barge captain somewhere near portland.

[Engine Serang]

He's not on the staff, he's an inmate. Detained at Suella's pleasure. (at not for).

[rustytrawler]

Varley is on big money he is charging £20 for room service, and is running trips to I.O.M. WOW.

[Varley]

This gives an added dimension to 'copper losses'.

I did have a little to do with an earlier barge at that location. It cannot have been as secure as HM's Home Secretary would have wished. When calling on the crippled Stenice, having sailed around with one generator from Immingham. A joy to the superintendent's eye hove into sight as we were put on a berth with craneage. No such luck. When suggesting hire would be inexpensive due to proximity and obvious need for business I was told that criminals had stripped them of their electrical copperware and that a floating crane would have to be hired anyway (I can't remember whether it was or not - happy days!).

[Dartskipper]

Were the criminals on day release from the prison up the road?

[Malcolm G]

I think that Mr Varley may have this in mind.. Same berth as the present vessel.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HM_Prison_Weare


(That's some thread drift!)

[Makko]

I currently have a claim for "copper loss" - 54,740 earth strips from a solar farm! The mind is currently boggling!
Rgds.
Dave

[Malcolm G]

OK, vaguely back on the thread…
Another military one which John might appreciate..

[John Rogers]

All so true Mal, always thought the Lowest Bidder was a good line.

[Varley]

No plan survives first contact with the enemy.