Humour the best of medicine

[Malcolm G]

An old colleague went on an anger management course. They suggested that he wrote letters expressing his feelings to the people that he hated, and then burn them.
That was some time ago and he’s asking whether he should shred the letters now.
What do think?

[YM-Mundrabilla]

Many years ago in one of my former lives I was responsible for collating the pile of data for my railway's entry in 'Janes World Railways'. For whatever reason I missed the deadline and my Head of Branch (HoB) got a 'reminder' from Janes.

I was duly called to front said HoB (coat and tie bit like a kid in front of the headmaster in those days) where I was instructed to write myself a 'bung' (admonitory letter) warning myself to take more care and not to reoffend in the future.

Duly wrote myself said warning and fronted HoB for him to sign it which he did and handed it to me, saying:

'Now tear the bloody thing up and get back to work............'

Lesson learned.

[Engine Serang]

I thought you were a Fireman and next thing you're writing letters. Where did it all go wrong?

[Dartskipper]

I never worked out why a fireman on the railway or at sea kept a fire going, but a fireman on the land put fires out.

[rustytrawler]

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

I thought you were a Fireman and next thing you're writing letters. Where did it all go wrong?

Eyup ES, you and your pal figment need to have a word with yourselves.

[YM-Mundrabilla]

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

I thought you were a Fireman and next thing you're writing letters. Where did it all go wrong?

Only aboard the GD Comrade...................

On land, in the railways tried all manner of things. Privatisation and redundancies forced many a twist and turn in one's career.

Administration , marketing, turned into wagon fleet operations and maintenance over a span of 40 years and three redundancies. Each redundancy and forced change of direction turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

[Engine Serang]

Fair play YM, you have to be flexible nowadays to keep a roof over your head and the wolf from the door.

[Malcolm G]

Anyone can work from home..

[Malcolm G]

If you visit the Canary Islands...


You wont find any canaries.



Likewise,




If you visit the Virgin Islands,







No canaries there either.

[John Rogers]

How about Brest.?

[Engine Serang]

I've carried a cargo of nipples to Brest.

[Dartskipper]

There is a place in Pennsylvania named Bird in Hand, and another named Virginville.

Never saw any there though.

[OLDGIT77]

lots of places with funny names .
CROTCH CRESENT
PENIS ROAD
SLAG LANE
CUMMING STREET . LONDON N1

As a articulated lorry driver at one time use to get
a lot of funny addresses on my delivery ticket .
Could not beleive half of them and how the local councils
allowed them .

Tony

[Dartskipper]

Further to my earlier post, here are some more names of settlements near the two previously mentioned in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. They are all in or near an area populated mostly by Amish families.

Paradise.
Intercourse.
Bird In Hand.
Bareville.
Blue Ball.

[Malcolm G]

A local fast food shop listed liver and onions on their flyer.
I ordered some and they bought just the onions because it was de-livered.

[Engine Serang]

Liver, onions, bacon, creamy mash and gravy,(yes gravy, not sauce or jus) is a meal for a dinner plate rather than wrapped in a Daily Express.

[Dartskipper]

Two chaps left a traditional East End of London Fish and Chipshop. One said,"My fish tastes funny." The other replied, "No wonder, it's wrapped in the cartoon page."

Boom-boom.

[Varley]

Then what use is there for the Daily Express, E-S? Think of the dispossessed of Fleet Street before taking from them what little they have.

[Malcolm G]

A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint.
The barman says “You come in her quite often, do you think that you might be an alcoholic?”
The horse says “I don’t think I am….” And promptly vanishes.

The joke is about Descartes’ famous philosophical idea “I think therefore I am.”
But if I had explained that before the rest of the joke it would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

[OLDGIT77]

A WORD TO THE WISE :-
Dont play leapfrog with a unicorn .

Tony

[Engine Serang]

Does Tubby Isaac still trade?

[John Rogers]

How many of you old F...s remember the old kids' song, (My eyes are dim I cannot see) Clue Quartermaster.

[Hugh Shuttleworth]

Originally Posted by John Rogers

How many of you old F...s remember the old kids' song, (My eyes are dim I cannot see) Clue Quartermaster.

It was one of the "standards" at the Boy Scouts. Late 50s til I went to sea in '64.
The Quartermaster's Store

[John Rogers]

Right on Hugh.

[Saudisid]

Originally Posted by John Rogers

How many of you old F...s remember the old kids' song, (My eyes are dim I cannot see) Clue Quartermaster.

The Shadows recorded it as a B side.Could have been Apache.