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#201
12th December 2018, 11:08
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This new Amazon Echo they've bought out is really good … if I can just get it to stop calling me 'Dave.'
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.) 
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#202
12th December 2018, 11:23
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Mine has three stripes and calls me 'Mate'. I am trying to teach it 'Sir'. Just one 'Dave' and we'll see how it's station likes L1/L2 instead of L1/N.
__________________
David V Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right It is the duty of the wealthy man To give employment to the artisan
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#203
13th December 2018, 12:45
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Sign of the times.
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#205
15th December 2018, 12:59
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The real reason life emerged from the sea and onto land ….
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#206
20th December 2018, 12:28
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Ah remember those wondrous Christmas things you did as a kid … well technology has made it all so much easier …
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#208
22nd December 2018, 07:06
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Its a drone.
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#209
22nd December 2018, 08:19
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Then there was little Johnny who wanted a watch for Christmas ----- So his parents let him.
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#210
22nd December 2018, 08:25
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let him buy a watch? Most kids just use their phones.
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#211
22nd December 2018, 13:21
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And with a 'phone he could have a video of their performance rated on antisocial media.
__________________
David V Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right It is the duty of the wealthy man To give employment to the artisan
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#212
23rd December 2018, 16:26
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Of course this has never actually happened to me.
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#214
4th January 2019, 20:24
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If you've got a parrot, best clip it now.
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#216
13th January 2019, 17:46
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After the honeymoon, Brian was welding some stuff in the garage for fun.
Joan, His new wife, was standing there by the bench watching him. After a long period of silence Joan finally said: "Honey, I've just been thinking; now that we are married, maybe you don't need to spend so much of your time out here in your shed, and could consider selling some of your machinery and stuff, like your gun collection, fishing gear, and lose all those stupid model airplanes. And dump that home brewing kit." Brian got a horrified look on his face and silently stared at her. Joan said, "Darling, what's wrong?" Brian replied, "Nothing, but for a minute there, you were starting to sound like my ex-wife." “Ex-wife?" She screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!” Brian replied......... "I wasn't.”
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#219
31st January 2019, 16:17
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In the incubator, the farmer can't hear you scream !!!
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#220
31st January 2019, 17:42
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Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the U.N.
The only question asked was:- "Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world." The survey was a complete failure because: In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America and Russia they didn't know what "please" meant. In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant. And in Australia, New Zealand, Canada and Britain everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent. geoff
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#221
3rd February 2019, 11:32
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I received a request to confirm my GDPR preferences for the IMarEST Guild.
I am pleased to report that they have an enlightened approach to D&A as they claim that "no one full has access" to my personal data. A good lunch, then, can still be had in the City.
__________________
David V Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right It is the duty of the wealthy man To give employment to the artisan
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#222
4th February 2019, 08:28
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I also got the GDPR letter and decided it was an opportune time toclear the air and to feel more relaxed at the Annual Nosebag.
I told them I did not wish to sit beside any man using lipstick or Gloss as they call it nowadays, or any female smoking a pipe or chewing tobacco like a Texan Roustabout. Or the Port Chaplin, padre, man of the cloth. They replied that they thought I was confused. But I tell you I know a Wrong-Un when I see one. Last edited by Engine Serang; 4th February 2019 at 08:32. Reason: None.
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#223
4th February 2019, 11:31
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If you are going to the bash (I am booked) may I ask what dress you will be wearing? I would have it so that I can recognise you at the greatest possible distance so that the magnitude, if not the direction, of that vector may be maintained throughout what until now I had expected to be an enjoyable evening. Perhaps if you were to wear a potato at one/both end(s) of your Albert?
(You forgot snuff, I will bring some if that will act as a repellant).
__________________
David V Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right It is the duty of the wealthy man To give employment to the artisan
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#225
8th February 2019, 17:56
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Management works? I thought we were of the same mind on this rare beast.
__________________
David V Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right It is the duty of the wealthy man To give employment to the artisan
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